Kissing Cousin

Ready to date again? Watch for these red flags.

Dear Dategirl,Do I have the right to be mad as hell that my wife hooked up with my cousin (who was also my best friend and best man in our wedding) the day after we separated? They say they're in love. My family and other friends tell me they're wrong and I should never take her back. What do you think?—Shellshocked

Of course you have the right to be furious. Your wife took off with your best friend; not only that, he's a cousin, so you're forever going to be running into him at weddings and funerals. It's bad enough when someone you love cheats on you. I can't imagine how you're feeling, knowing she did it with someone you love.This kind of crap happens more than you'd think, because who's easier to cheat with than someone who's around all the time?So get angry (but don't do anything stupid), rant, rave, and divorce that bitch pronto. But if you do take her back, make sure you do it on your terms, whatever they are. As for whether it'll last—who knows? Better question: Who cares? Focus on yourself.Though I advised you to let yourself get angry, try not to stay angry. While there's no need to forgive or forget either of these assholes, remaining furious will not only reduce your lifespan (stress kills!), but also hinder the possibility of finding new love in the future. After all, who wants to fellate the angry fellow?Find a therapist, join a gym, buy some new clothes, and get a good haircut. When you're finally ready to date again, watch out for the following red flags*:• There's usually a good reason when a woman has no female friends—we ladies can sniff out these bitches. Broads like these will fuck your boyfriend, flirt with your husband, and clit-block you at the club. Hook up with one at your own peril, because it's a given that she's got a collection of Plan B's on her speed dial.• Overlappers. People who have never been single always line up their next conquest before their current flame even knows it's flickering out. To quote the cliché: If she cheated with you, chances are she'll cheat on you.• Liars (including "sins of omission"). If she fibs about where she went to college or leads you to believe she's never been married (though you've met her ex-husband,) you can bet she'll have no compunction about lying about where she was last night.• A bizarre sense of entitlement. If she's convinced she deserves champagne and caviar, but only makes enough to afford PBR and fish sticks, you can bet it's going to be a pricey ride for you. Not only that, but the second she meets someone with a bigger wallet, you'll be left with a hefty credit-card bill and a broken heart.• The party girl. If she's out every night drinking and drugging, she's probably not doing it by her lonesome. Booze and blow not only impair a girl's judgment (hullo, beer goggles!), but they also make her more likely to vomit on your new sheets and "borrow" money without asking. Next!But before you can even think of moving on, you've got to get past the anger, and that may take some time. Good luck!(*With the exception of the first one, these are all true for men too.)dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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