Do Ballsy Broads Really Shrivel Dicks?

Dear Dategirl,Why do men have problems with forward women? I'm pretty, 22, single, smart—and, did I mention, single? I'm also employed, extremely outgoing, love sports, and own the world's cutest mutt.I don't have a problem meeting men—I have a problem keeping them around. Most guys seem to like it when I ask them out or flirt with them at the bar, but once we're alone I see them looking for a way out. I know I have a big mouth, but I just figure that if I like someone, why not just let them know? The last guy I was out with actually gave me the cheek when I leaned in to kiss him!My guy friends all love me (like a sister) and claim I haven't met the right person yet. But when I ask them what's wrong with me, they get nervous and clam up. Do I need to pretend to be someone I'm not if I ever want a relationship?—Ballsy Broad

As a fellow mouthy dame who has scared off quite a few men herself, I feel your pain. Not every man is equipped to handle a handful. At least that's what I like to tell myself.As we've never met, I don't feel qualified to tell you what, if anything, is wrong with your approach. For all I know, you're just picking the wrong guys—off the top of my head, I'd avoid the very young, shy types. You're only going to scare the crap out of them.If you keep noticing the same scenario happening every time, though, you're right to indulge in some navel-gazing. For example, I used to think I was "just being me" when I laid things on the line. I'd have no qualms about telling some geez I'd just met exactly how hot I found him. I thought spouting off meant I was open, saucy, and free-spirited. What it really meant was that I was kind of stupid. I mean, why was I showing my hand so soon?It's sad but true that many men will lose interest once they find out they don't need to work for you. And by work, I mean woo. But even the ones who enjoy a forward woman—and believe me, they're out there—don't want to be bulldozed.Think about the guys you've known who came on like gangbusters. Sure it can be flattering, but having a gentleman morph into a leg-humper after 10 minutes of conversation can also be off-putting. Haven't you ever been on the fence about someone, only to have them push you to the other side by being overly aggressive? I certainly have. This is an extreme example, but my friend Alex went home with a guy who whispered that he wanted Alex to have his baby the first time they ever got it on. Putting aside the physical impossibilities there, what a dick-shriveler.Thinking before you speak and holding back a little does not translate into pretending to be someone else. It's merely practical. Getting to know someone—anyone—should be a gradual process. Not to go totally cornball, but it's like unwrapping a present. Taking your time builds anticipation and makes what's inside that much better—unless what's inside is an ugly sweater. But at least by taking it slow, you'll have that figured out before you've had your mouth all over his pants.dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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