Dear Dategirl,
Kirsten Ulve
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I was single for most of the past year and didn't have sex with another person until pretty recently, when I started dating someone. I did, however, have a regular sex life with myself and my collection of vibrators.
I'm really into this guy I'm seeing. I like him as a person, and he gets me all hot and juicy. He knows what he's doing and we communicate well during sex, but I still seem to be having trouble having an orgasm, even with oral sex. I should note that this never used to be a problem for me. Have I gotten too used to being in total control? Will I only give it up for the vibrator?
—Battery Not Included
There are about a bazillion different reasons that orgasms get either easier or more difficult to come by during a woman's life—moods, hormone levels, booze intake, weight gain/loss, depression, drugs to treat depression. The list is so long, it's a wonder any of us ever get off.
So a vibrator can be a big relief, because for most of us they're the most efficient route to la petite mort. You just switch it on and away you go. Which may be the problem.
A girl can get used to a no-frills orgasm. I mean, there's no talking, which means less chance of getting out of the mood. A vibrator doesn't think it's hilarious to suddenly start motorboating your boobs just as you're getting wet. Your battery-operated boyfriend gives you exactly what you need, when and where you need it, and it never lets you down unless you run out of batteries. It just does what it's supposed to, and then goes back into the drawer from whence it sprang. You don't have to make it breakfast, it never gives you stubble burn, and it won't splash pee all over your toilet seat.
The fact that vibes operate at a much higher speed than any human tongue could possibly manage can make it difficult to readjust to mortal motors. Then there's the issue of how much is too much—unless you have no qualms about muffocating your dude, you need to let him control the pressure.
Penises are yet another variable. As I'm sure you've noticed, they come in all sizes and shapes. For every variable, adjustments may need to be made. Say the new guy has a long, thin dong that curves to the left. That will require a different type of maneuvering to achieve the same results you got with the previous schlong.
In order to reacquaint your ladyparts to old-fashioned fucking, put the vibrator away for a while. If you feel the urge and your man isn't around, rub one out with your own digits. It'll take longer, but (hopefully) the end results will be the same.
And when he's there, get his fingers, tongue, and cock in on the action. Give him a bowl of Wheaties and warn him that he's in for a long haul. Then have at it. Don't panic that your clit is all chapped from vibrator overuse—that can't happen (at least I don't think it can). You got used to having immediate results, so you have to reset your bod.
Another thing you might want to try is to move beyond your old standbys. If you rely heavily on your clit, investigate that G-spot of yours. Have him spend time on your butt, boobs, neck, and anywhere else that floats your boat.
And hey, if you think it's control that gets you going, try tying him up.
dategirl@seattleweekly.com
