Our Valentine’s Day Date-Movie Planner

Even From Paris With Love has its romantic side.

It's a slow weekend for movies, with Valentine's Day colliding with Presidents' Day. But with many budget-minded couples staying in town, there are still plenty of good date-night movies to choose from. As for which one to see, we'll help you decide...You're into the environment. He likes guns and military hardware. Yet you both yearn for the ultimate sexual connection of interlacing your genital-tipped tails. And your favorite color is blue. Therefore, it's Avatar again. The 3-D makes the rain-forest sex scene that much hotter, even if it's only PG-13. And back home, you can talk dirty to each other in Na'vi.London before the Beatles. Paris before it became a tourist trap. An era when men wore suits and opened car doors for women. But maybe those young ladies—girls, really—weren't so innocent back in the early '60s. Maybe they were eager for seduction at the hands of an older, experienced, mysterious man—even if he's a crook. It takes two to tango in An Education, which has earned Oscar nominations for its star, Carey Mulligan, and script. There's even a useful remedy for heartbreak: Go to college. Even if men are scoundrels, you'll have that degree.He's older than you, with a long trail of broken hearts, failed marriages, and bourbon bottles behind him. You've made some bad choices at love, too, so you're both looking for a second chance. Also, you both like line dancing and Waylon Jennings. Jeff Bridges and Maggie Gyllenhaal have exactly that sort of chemistry in Crazy Heart. Just don't confuse it with a father/daughter matinee, which might feel icky.You're drawn to a guy who's virile, very masculine, a night owl, and has to shave, oh, 20 times a day. We're talking about Benicio Del Toro in The Wolfman (review). Emily Blunt plays the love interest who's in for a big surprise about her beau, an animal in bed. Let's hope she's been vaccinated for rabies.Opening Friday, 44 Inch Chest is about pathological male jealousy and violence (review). Ray Winstone and a half-dozen other Brits are obsessed with controlling women, physically if necessary—all of which sounds like an exercise in misogyny. But for ladies who've recently liberated themselves from just such an abusive relationship, this flick could be an excellent excuse for a martini-fueled girls' night out. Men—who needs 'em?You're gay. You like bald guys, guns (the real kind), shooting RPGs from cars, and dudes with artfully plucked eyebrows and carefully waxed pecs. So what's not to love about the homoerotic pairing of Jonathan Rhys Meyers and John Travolta in From Paris With Love? They blow stuff up, they kill lots of terrorists, and they enjoy a whirlwind Euro-romance that dare not speak its name. No women to get in the way, just pure, clean testosterone and the smell of gunpowder. If it were a cologne, you'd wear this movie.Nicholas Sparks books make her cry. Lasse Hallström movies make you cry (especially if a dog dies). So get out your handkerchiefs for the adaptation Dear John, which also combines those proven tearjerkers, war and autism. If all that doesn't make you weep, the acting of Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried will.Clooney, Clooney, Clooney. Makes women weak in the knees, and guys don't hate him. (See also: Bridges, Jeff.) Since it deals with corporate downsizing and the strenuous avoidance of marriage, Up in the Air doesn't sound inherently romantic. But the commitment-free, expense-account liaisons of Clooney and Vera Farmiga in expensive hotels and bars are among the sexiest, most enjoyable scenes of 2009. (And we're talking about the talk before they get to the bedroom.)For those who can't afford a romantic weekend getaway to Italy, there's the cheapo rom-com When in Rome. Also low-rent: stars Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel, who are willing to work for lire and gas for their Vespa. Don't be surprised if they're busking for change outside the theater.You like to drive around the city randomly, just meeting people and observing their dating foibles. Not to get involved, but to dabble. Romance should be like flipping through People and Us at the supermarket checkout line to see the pictures of Jessica Alba, Bradley Cooper, Jessica Biel, and Patrick Dempsey. Then you throw the magazines back, just before the bar-code scanner. That's why you should see the L.A.-set anthology film Valentine's Day (review). Because, as the title says, it's aimed right at your demo.bmiller@seattleweekly.com

 
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