Bad Vibes

Dear Dategirl,I am in the middle of a long dating drought, yet I have certain needs. Being an appliance virgin, I recently invested in a beginner's version of a vibrator. I looked around before I purchased it, and I have to say I was quite intimidated by the selection. I wound up with your basic three-speed model that I had every expectation would provide me with all the fun I required, with no need to date or even shave my legs.But this thing does nothing for me. Instead of reaching Nirvana, I'm numbed in places I never thought I'd be. I never dreamed this would be so complicated.—Bad Vibrations

Maybe you should try watching an Eric-heavy episode of True Blood and applying the buzzy bit to your clit. That always seems to do the trick for me.Because I am such a fan of the battery-operated boyfriend—don't have to feed it beer and it never hogs the remote—I asked BV what exactly she was working with. The product in question is the "Boss Lady" from Babeland. I have one very similar to that model, and never had an issue, so in the interest of being servicey, I forwarded BV's e-mail to Rachel Venning, one of the founders of Babeland and co-author of the fab new sex guide, Moregasm: Babeland's Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex."I would suggest that she try a stronger vibe," Venning replied. "That may seem counterintuitive, but it sounds like the vibe isn't strong enough to get her to orgasm, so she's just buzzing away getting nowhere but numb."That seems counterintuitive, but the logic is that a stronger vibe works faster so you don't have to wait as long for the payoff, numbing your lady parts in the process. The most powerful vibrator I've ever seen is the Hitachi Magic Wand, which millions of women swear is the best thing since, oh, I don't know...Alexander Skarsgård (who plays Eric).I'm not a fan of the Hitachi myself, because a) you have to plug it into the wall, and b) it sounds like a power tool, which ruins the mood for me. However, if your tastes run more toward construction workers than, say, tall, brooding Nordic vampires, it could work well for you. And really, the plug isn't a big deal unless your bedroom is set up like mine, entailing running an extension cord across the room and onto the bed. Again, a bit of a buzz-kill.Then again, you could bypass the clit entirely and head inside to the G-spot. And before you ask, yes, I know all about that British study claiming it doesn't exist, but I trust British academia's sexpertise about as much as I look forward to a delicious British meal. My friend J swears by the Gigi G-spot vibrator. "It was expensive, but worth every penny," she tells me, in a tone as close to rapturous as I've ever heard from her. J's only problem: The Gigi is rechargeable, so you need to wait a while for it to rev up between uses.Compared to dealing with a cord or having to keep a supply of AA batteries on hand, that seems fairly minor. "Except for when you're right in the middle of things and it runs out of juice," she notes. Ouch. Good point.As much as I love my vibrator, they aren't for everyone. So remember: You can always kick it old-school with TiVo and your trusty right hand.dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
comments powered by Disqus