This Week's Horoscopes

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)Imagine if you could just give someone a pill to make them more patient, spontaneous, or reliable. You could even grind it into powder and slip it into a drink without them ever suspecting. Would you? While both of you might be happier for it, what would it cost you, and would it be worth it? Or is absolute free will all it's cracked up to be, even when it takes someone down a path that'll only make them more miserable? I don't have the answer, but it's still a worthy question, and one you'd do well to spend this week wrestling with.Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)You've heard the adage about the best defense being a good offense, and practiced that philosophy in many different contexts. However, this week I contend that the best offense is a good defense. Lie in wait and get ready to kick some butt when someone goes on the offensive against you. They won't be expecting it at all, and they'll fall right on their faces when you deliver the trouncing they sorely deserve. Lay your traps and bide your time. All in all, the result will be much more satisfying than if you'd gone on the warpath, trust me.Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)Don't wish anyone ill. That kind of energy tends to come back to you threefold. Instead, try to achieve the result you wish for by blessing instead of cursing them. Let's say you just want someone more or less out of the picture. You could pray a piano falls on them, or you could be clever about wishing them well. Hope they get a fabulous promotion that takes them to Japan. Wish they inherit a house in Malibu. Pray they find true love that takes them to Europe. Your blessings can make both of your lives better—and the good stuff comes back to you threefold, too.Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)Sometimes you're practically a shape-shifter, morphing to suit the situation. This is incredibly useful most of the time, but extremely awkward when your various worlds collide. Your slick seduction mode, so effective when it comes to flirting and getting yourself laid, becomes powerfully uncomfortable the second you run into your boss, for example. Your buddies might be offended when they encounter your work-self and can't get a laugh out of you with even their best jokes. However, this is the price you have to pay for being so fluid and dynamic. When worlds collide, you just have to deal.Aries (March 21–April 19)Sometimes you remind me of Neo from The Matrix, when time slows for him and he's able to dodge bullets. It doesn't matter what people throw at you; if you're ready for it, there's no way it's going to hit you, let alone hurt you. However, if you get caught by surprise, you could go down hard. This week, stay alert. No need to be paranoid, though. Probably the worst that will get thrown at you is a playfully tossed basketball. However, if you're not paying attention, that thing could still give you a bloody nose.Taurus (April 20–May 20)You could send your minion to do your dirty work, or you could go do it yourself. I think you know which I'd prefer. Naturally, having someone else do the stuff you don't want to is the easy, lazy way out, but it's also the least honorable. No one will respect you for it—especially the poor schmuck you're forcing into that uncomfortable position. If s/he happens to be your lover or friend, it's likely to breed that much more resentment. Sure, you have the power to stay out of this crappy situation almost completely, but I don't think you should. Get in there and deal with it yourself.Gemini (May 21–June 20)While figuratively sneaking up behind someone is virtually guaranteed to be effective in getting you what you want, do you really want to earn a reputation as a ruthless ambusher? Yes, I agree that walking straight up and boldly asking for what you want is much less likely to yield the response you desire; however, it's still much more honorable—and if you do happen to get lucky here, enjoying the fruits of your efforts will be that much easier. This ultimately is an end vs. means equation, and it might be time to re-evaluate how you feel about that particular conundrum.Cancer (June 21–July 22)You are both the most and least vulnerable person in the zodiac. When you let people in, there's no one more sensitive and intuitive than you. However, when you put up your guard, you might as well be wearing a Kevlar vest behind bulletproof, soundproof glass. No one is going to get to you until you deign to open the door and let them in, if you ever do. That's all fine. When you're as attuned to other people as you are, you deserve some protection. Just make sure it's not so thick that you can't hear someone knocking—they're not likely to bother to do that forever.Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)When friends of Buffy the Vampire Slayer raised her from the dead, she was bummed. Life sucked compared to wherever she'd been. She valiantly tried to hide her depression and disappointment, because her friends had gone to great lengths and sacrificed a lot to give her the gift of life again. You may understand where she's coming from when this week you receive something you not only never asked for, you never would ask for it. Try to be gracious and appreciate the effort regardless. As a sentiment, "It's the thought that counts" never mattered more than it does right now.Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)There is simply no such thing as happily ever after. Stop dreaming about it, wishing for it, and clinging unreasonably to the hope of it, especially when that causes you to deny other forms of joy that look nothing like what you have in your head. Even if you appeared to manifest that particular vision, sooner or later you'd just screw it up anyway, and be miserably disappointed when the inevitable occurred. The good news is there is such a thing as "happily for a good while," and it's totally achievable multiple times in a single lifetime. Aim for that, and accept that it won't last forever when you get it, and you'll be just fine.Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)Imagine you couldn't move without dancing or speak without singing. You'd be the subject of tremendous ridicule at times, but probably also the recipient of much joyful admiration. Would it be worth the trade-off? A little suffering and embarrassment on your part might bring others bucketloads of glee and joy. Worth it to you? That's the question of the week. How much of your own pride, and perhaps dignity, will you sacrifice for the happiness of others? Even if "all of it" isn't on the menu, I hope "most of it" is still worth considering.Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)You can use your intensity, your comfort with deep, heavy stuff like sex and death, to intimidate or to enlighten. Which will it be this week? Will you wave around your internal darkness like a weapon, scaring people off and making them extremely uncomfortable? Or will you wield it to help people become more at ease with the darker side of life? While the former might be funny, in a slightly mean, condescending way, the latter is certainly the direction you're headed in, in general. It's the way of the Scorpio to become wise and gentle. This week, move a little further down that path.

 
comments powered by Disqus