My Number Is More Than 12, Less Than 100. Should It Matter?

Dear Dategirl,I've been with my boyfriend for two months. We're both in our early 30s, and I am almost positive he's "the one." But Saturday night he started talking about how many people "we've" slept with. He "confessed" to 12, and then insisted I tell him my number. To be perfectly frank, I don't even know how many people (there've been women too) I've been with. And by "sex," I know he means penis-meets-vagina, but shouldn't blowjobs or fisting count?I know my number is much higher than 12, but probably less than 100. Why should it matter? I love him! Obviously, my first thought was to lie and say a number lower than his. But I want us to have an honest relationship, so I told him the truth—that I wasn't sure, and added that I didn't think it mattered. That didn't go over well. So then he started asking about specifics ("Have you ever been part of a threesome," etc.), which in turn made me angry—I don't feel guilty about my past, and I refuse to be judged! I am STD-free, and have never given him any reason to think I've been anything less than 100 percent into him. Even though I felt he was out of line, I answered his first few intrusive questions, but then I put a stop to it. He stayed the night, but left first thing in the morning. It's Monday, and I haven't heard from him since (we usually talk or text constantly). I don't think I owe him an apology, but I think that's what he's waiting for. What should I do?—Slutty, but Not Sorry

This is a prime example of why you should never ask questions you really don't want answered. I know my boyfriend has had a very, uh, colorful and extensive past. I could torture myself by asking specifics, but what could I possibly gain by learning the ins and outs of his past sex life? I'm not the type who gets turned on by hearing about that kind of crap (though I realize that works for some people); it would only fill my head with unpleasant images.Nor does he know much about my past. Except for the dude who crapped his pants in my bed—I couldn't keep that one to myself. Oh, and everything I've shared in print. Never mind. I'm a bad example.Back to you: You know you don't have any viral hangers-on from your trashy times, so what does it matter if you've slept with 10 people or 100? I agree you don't owe him an apology. However, if he's an otherwise great guy, and isn't normally creepily possessive or sexist, you should cut him a break. This is a rookie mistake he should've made and learned from in his early 20s. For whatever reason, he didn't. Now his ego has been bruised, and if you want to keep him around, you should make an attempt to assuage his fears.Because that's what this mostly likely is—a fear. He's afraid that since you're more experienced, you'll be judging him more harshly. To paraphrase a wise woman: The thing women fear most of men is that they'll kill them. The thing men fear most about us is that we'll laugh at them.Maybe he thinks you know all sorts of ninja sex tricks that he doesn't. Or that his dick won't measure up. Reassure him that while you might have more experience in bed, you're with him now, and he's the only one that matters to you.Then again, he might just think you're a slut. If that's the case, fuck him. Or, more to the point, don't.

 
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