Bumbershoot: Mraz Alley

Want to drink with Jason Mraz? Avoid him? Either way, you’re in good hands.

If John Mayer is a poor man's Dave Matthews, then Jason Mraz is a rich man's Josh Kelley. But even Kelley managed to slip a rock on Katherine Heigl's finger, which is a subtle way of conveying the fact that even the most lackluster of these rootsy, KMTT-friendly crooners have a way with the ladies. You may also recall that Mayer, who owns a yacht called The Mayercraft Carrier, once stoked the romantic embers of America's sweetheart, Jennifer Aniston.Mraz, who headlines Bumbershoot's mainstage on Sunday night, has got the remedy. That we know; that's the name of the tune that put him on the map. Less-known is a quality Mraz calls "Mrazzledazzle." This involves Mraz hitting bars near the venues he plays incognito, and then finding a way to "Mrazzledazzle" the crowd, be it through an impromptu performance or some celebrity-enhanced move-makin'.Do you want to be Mrazzledazzled? Some of you no doubt do, as Mraz has proven to be far more than a one-hit wonder. But he's a polarizing figure; for each young lady who would like nothing more than to be Mrazzledazzled, there's at least one other who is utterly befuddled by how this dude could be booked to soft-rock out in front of 20,000 screaming fans at Memorial Stadium during one of America's most prestigious music festivals.Whether or not you want to be Mrazzledazzled, we've got you covered in this guide to Lower Queen Anne bars, which we lump into three degrees of Mrazzledazzlement:High probability of Mrazzledazzle. Two LQA bars set up especially well for Mrazzledazzle: Ozzie's (105 W. Mercer St.) and Hula Hula (106 First Ave. N). They both have karaoke, so Mraz could sign up under a pseudonym, like "Jason Mjaz," and then Mrazzledazzle the crowd with a version of his own song! When the ladies in the house realize it's Mraz himself performing Mraz ditties, skirts should disintegrate. And if male Mraz fans are equally Mrazzledazzled, no doubt Mraz will be up for a bro-down session over Jäger shots at the bar. The dueling-piano bar Chopstix (11 Roy St.) also boasts high Mrazzledazzle potential. We're not sure how adroit a key-tickler Mraz is, but we're sure he could easily win over the hard-partying crowd in this sweatbox. Tini Bigs (100 Denny Way) seems like the sort of place Mraz would pre-funk, because we can totally picture Mraz in a zoot suit. Although we're not sure if he'd really turn on the Mrazzledazzle beyond a little freestyle scat between sips of his martini. And Peso's (605 Queen Anne Ave. N.) seems like the sort of place Mraz would hit after midnight. He wouldn't even have to fully throttle the Mrazzledazzle to end up a happy camper at closing time there.Medium Probability of Mrazzledazzle. Solo (200 Roy St.) is an arty bar, to the point where Mraz might think it's an actual gallery (which it kinda is), and instead truck on down to Jabu's (174 Roy St.) or McMenamin's (next door to Solo) for a pre-show beer or to kick it with the boys in his band before Mrazzledazzling Chopstix, Hula Hula, or Ozzie's. But Solo has been known to host the occasional Guitar Hero night, so if Mraz sees that going down, the probability of Mrazzledazzle will get an instant upgrade. If Mraz gets into town on Saturday and wants to watch the Husky-LSU game on TV, the Spectator (529 Queen Anne Ave. N.) should be a comfortable spot for him to chillax and munch on some sweet-potato fries. (If Sorry Charlie's were still in that location, the fact that it was a piano bar would seem to portend a high probability of Mrazzledazzle. But having been to Sorry Charlie's, we're quite certain he'd have been drug out by his collar if he'd taken the bench.) The Great Nabob (819 Fifth Ave. N.) is a hip, laid-back bar that's a bit off the beaten path. If it were on the beaten path, Mraz—who fancies himself a hip, laid-back dude—would be more certain to find his way there and request that his own songs be played on the stereo. So whether or not the Great Nabob is graced with a little Mrazzledazzle will depend on whether Mraz and his entourage are big walkers. And whether or not the Sitting Room (108 W. Roy St.) is subjected to Mrazzledazzling depends on how much Mraz enjoys ingesting artisan paté, brie, and pomegranate cosmopolitans in the orange glow of a sexy Euro-bar.Low probability of Mrazzledazzle. This list is conveniently divided between a) bars where Mraz will get his ass kicked if he tries to Mrazzledazzle the crowd, and b) bars where he'll just feel/look woefully out of place. As for the former, Mraz should feel free to take in a delicious brunch in the diner portion of the Mecca (526 Queen Anne Ave. N.), but he should seriously not cross into the lounge, a narrow space that caters almost exclusively to hard-drinking, hard-rocking types. Mrazzledazzle will not only fail miserably here, it will put the practitioner's health in peril. The same caveat applies at both the 5 Point (415 Cedar St.) and the Funhouse (206 Fifth Ave. N.), two of the more convenient places to strap on an affordable buzz before proceeding to the Seattle Center grounds. As for the "won't get his ass kicked but will get tons of funny stares" category, Mraz can certainly avail himself of the Streamline (121 W. Mercer St.), a simple tavern with a horseshoe bar that serves only beer, budget wine, and salty snacks, but the regulars there are immune to Mrazzledazzleing. Meanwhile, the lounge at Chen's Village (544 Elliott Ave. W.) is perhaps LQA's best-kept secret. The food is better than it should be, the drinks just as stiff as you'd expect. But alas, it's not the sort of place that would take kindly to Mrazzledazzle.mseely@seattleweekly.com

 
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