• Why is Jack so serious all the time? Can't he lighten up?• Why, despite a diet of coconuts and constant running throughthe jungle, does Hurley never lose weight?• Could you bring back the polar bear and smoke monster?• Are Jack and Sawyer secretly gay for each other?• If we really wanted to fake-crash a trans-Pacific jet liner, how could we keep the passengers from blogging and Twittering about it?• Wasn't The Dharma Initiative actually a band during the 1970s? (We think they played at our prom.)• Is the penalty for each cast member's getting a DUI to be kidnapped by the Others or (temporarily) killed on the show?• In a battle between Sawyer's hair and Jin's abs, who would prevail?• How many times does Charlie have to die before we're done with that guy?• Could Locke just take a Valium or something? We'd enjoy the show a lot more if he did.• If Ben is really the most devious, cunning, and clever man on the planet, how come he can't hook up with Kate?• What about skin cancer? Did Jack skip dermatology in his medical textbooks?• Given that this show is produced on Hawaii, where the world's most potent marijuana is grown, is it so confusing because the writers are all hopelessly stoned?• If, in Season 5, parallel plot lines were operating 30 years apart, why do we have to wait for the DVD box set on December 8 of this year? Why not release it in 1979?• All those beaches, so few clothes, why isn't there more sex?• Season 6 will begin next January and supposedly conclude the series in May. What guarantee can you offer that you won't then launch a fall-2010 spinoff starring Ben as the leader of a wacky Manhattan indie-rock band—with Charlie on bass—all living in the same apartment with a monkey (plus Cloris Leachman as their kooky landlady)?• Why does Jack remind us of that annoying guy we used to date who always had to get up early the next morning to train for a triathlon?• Why can't Lost have more guest stars, like on Fantasy Island? We loved that show. And it made firstname.lastname@example.org
The Writers of Lost Literary Arts Stage, 3:30–4:45 p.m. Mon.Special Section: SW's Guide to Bumbershoot 2009 + live festival coverage.