Step One: Move Out of Parents' House. Step Two: Get Laid

Dear Dategirl:I know you mostly deal with relationship issues, which made me question contacting you because I haven't had any. I've been told it's because I'm too picky, when in reality I have only been rejected.I find this disheartening and comparatively unusual to be so dateless. My problems with guys, as far as I can see, fall into several categories:• I find out I've been trying to noodle on another girl's noodle.• I am geographically inaccessible because I work at home for my parents, go to school online, and live in a community that is 85% retired, 5% high-school boys, 5% high-school dropouts I went to school with, and 5% men over 35 and under 50 who believe me to be covertly flirting with them. I am not.• If I do find an unattached, age-appropriate male, they shut me down and put me in the friend zone.What can I do to increase my chances of securing a date with an age-appropriate guy who is not a needy musician? 45-year-old buskers are not appealing!—Lonely Lady

Are you certain you want to have a relationship? I've been obsessed with saidinbed.com and I think it'll give you second thoughts about all that naked nastiness.But if you're still hellbent on mating, the first thing you need to do is get your ass out of your parents' house. Seriously. You're 21. I know times are tough, but you're young, and if you can deal with parental scrutiny, you can certainly handle an annoying roommate or three.Your environment is what's thwarting you. I had a friend who had a great apartment but a single bed. He wondered why he never got laid, and I told him it was because his bed was too tiny. He countered that if he got a girlfriend, he'd buy a bigger bed. I told him he had to make his life welcoming first. His closest relationship remains the one he has with his right hand and an economy-sized bucket of lube.Do you want to be that guy? No? I didn't think so. I don't care how "cool" your parents are, you still need to move. There's no way you can develop a healthy sex life with Mom in the next room. Yuck. When I was 23, I was forced by circumstance to move back home with my parents for almost a year, and I still have nightmares about it.So get out. Have I made myself clear? You will have a lot more luck once your mom isn't doing your laundry and listening in on your phone calls.Transmission of Hep C through heterosexual intercourse isn't that rare—I got it that way. I believe it's underreported, in fact. The nurse who read me my test results believed it wasn't possible, so she refused to record it that way. In any case, I am still suffering 12 years later and feel you wrote very irresponsibly in downplaying the possibility of transmission that way, even though you grudgingly acknowledged that status should be shared.—Still Infected

I was bummed out by your letter and was all too willing to accept responsibility for any mistake I might've made, but then I reread my column. While I am very sorry about your condition, I think entitling the piece "Tell Them Before You Bed Them" is a bit more than a grudging reminder to inform your partners of your Hep C (or any other communicable disease) status. Furthermore, I added, "[Hep C] is a bloodborne virus, and should be disclosed to anyone you're considering making the sex with, and precautions should be taken."It sucks that you had such a shitty experience with the medical professionals who diagnosed you, and I'm printing your letter to remind people to be extra vigilant. Oddly enough, most of the people who commented or wrote me about that column expressed disbelief that the guy in question could've had sex with so many different women—something that hadn't even occurred to me. So I was probably wrong not to question his stats, but I stand by my original answer to the dude as far as disclosure goes.dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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