Dear Dategirl,
Kirsten Ulve
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I recently read Eric Clapton's autobiography. Toward the end, he begins dating in threesomes. At least twice, he mentions how he takes two women out at once. In fact, he began dating his current wife as 1/3 of a threesome. Only when Clapton realized he was in love with her did he drop the other person. Clapton doesn't really explain the threesome dating dynamic, so I'm left with several questions. Was Clapton likely nailing both women? If so, did he alternate bedrooms on a preplanned schedule, or was their sex life similar to their social life: all threesomes, all the time? Is triangular dating a common practice? And if so, how might I enter this realm?
—George Harricock
Don't you hate when writers are stingy with details about the stuff you really care about? I'm sure Clapton went on at great length about different shows he's played, various bands he was part of, the way other musicians copped his style and didn't give him any credit. Yet he leaves out the juicy deets, thinking nobody would care about him schtupping two broads at once on a regular basis. Wrong! I'm certainly more interested in dirty details than I am in a treatise on chord progressions.
Not that I've read his book, mind you. I'm currently enmeshed in two fascinating biographies—David Carr's Night of the Gun and Brad Gooch's new one of Flannery O'Connor. So far threesomes don't figure into either, but a girl can hope they'll come up soon.
To answer your first question, I would say it's a safe bet that Clapton probably nailed both women at the same time. Hell, there were probably times when he had six or seven at once. But what we boring poors consider wild and crazy behavior is actually fairly pedestrian to your average rock star. Did you read the Mötley Crüe book? Now that book gave up the goods. Hell, it was even called The Dirt.
But back to Clapton: Though he's pretty old, he's still a relatively good-looking dude—certainly better than many of his contemporaries. For example, David Crosby is fat, bald, and has a history of substance abuse so extensive he had to replace his liver. And he probably still gets laid. Wrinkly old Ron Wood just ditched his wife for a 20-year-old Eastern European cocktail waitress. So imagine Clapton in his heyday—or even past his prime.
The rich and famous have access to more drugs and debauchery than we could ever dream of, so maybe Clapton didn't give up the details because to him they're about as scintillating as a walk around the block. Or maybe he thought his wife would kick his ass. Whatever his reason, bad call. I'm checking that one right off my to-read list.
While triangular dating isn't unheard of, I think calling it common would be a reach. I've certainly dated several people over the same period of time, though I never got us all together for fondue and fucking. I'm old-fashioned that way.
What you're talking about is polyamory. It's not for everyone, but if you're seriously interested in navigating the waters, you should definitely pick up Tristan Taormino's book Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. There's an excellent checklist to help you figure out if this lifestyle is for you.
Unless you're wealthy, famous, or freakishly good-looking, finding two girlfriends who are happy to share can be four times as tough as finding one. Not only do they have to like you and find you unspeakably hot, they also have to like each other. However, it can be done. For that, I'd give the Interwebs a try. Also, be warned that as much fun as four boobies at once can be, having two girlfriends also means twice as much talking.
dategirl@seattleweekly.com
