This Week's Horoscopes

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)Provide your children with creativity-inspiring toys such as blocks, art supplies, or Play-Doh, and they'll develop creative skills that'll be useful later in life. Give them shit like video games and action figures, where virtually all the imagination has been supplied by someone else, and they'll turn into drones. This is an obvious no-brainer, yet so many people fill their kids' lives with flimsy plastic crap that will do absolutely nothing to enliven their minds or enrich their imaginations. As adults, we're less impressionable than those poor kids, but it's still easy to stimulate our imaginations with the right toys (or stifle them with the wrong ones). Which have you filled your toybox with?Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)A seasoned musician could listen to a piece of music and reveal many things about it that might not be obvious to your average listener. A dog, poking its nose through a hole in the wall, could probably tell you much of what was on the other side (if it could speak). You're surrounded by people whose senses, through nature or training, are able to perceive aspects of this situation that are essentially invisible to you. Instead of resenting them, why not just trust them? A simple question to the right person could completely transform your perception of what's going on. I do hope you're willing to swallow your pride to satisfy your curiosity; it'd be well worth your while.Aries (March 21–April 19)Some leaders rule with fear; as long as their subordinates are sufficiently cowed or threatened, they'll do what they say. As you are thrust more frequently into leadership roles, though, I would not suggest this particular management style for you. First, it's not likely to be particularly effective. Secondly, with your charisma, it's completely unnecessary. You have the ability to inspire and encourage cooperation. Trying to intimidate people goes against your nature, and would probably backfire anyway. Don't let anyone talk you into it. Your heart is wiser in these matters than your head (or theirs). Heed it.Taurus (April 20–May 20)Commissioned to build a new home for you, the architect you hired gives you two options: In one plan, the bulk of the structure is supported by one or two massive pillars. In the other, dozens of slender columns serve to hold it up. Apply this metaphor to your social life. It has, in some ways, essentially burnt to the ground (whether arson or accident we don't know). As you rebuild it, you must choose: Will you rely upon only a couple of your staunchest friends for your emotional needs? Or would you rather share the burden among many, so it's not so heavy on any one pair of shoulders? As you choose, just remember—it's perfectly fair for anyone to demand of you exactly what you ask of them.Gemini (May 21–June 20)My current pet peeve is people who use a sweet tone of voice to try to camouflage the incredibly bitchy and rude things they're saying. Somehow it's become standard in our society not to call people out when they're fake-nice, even when it's a patently obvious lie. That's bullshit. Please tell me you never practice this condescending crap (and if you do, cut it the hell out or I'll be forced to hate you). What's more, when someone else tries to pull this shit with you, call them on it. You're more likely to get desirable results when you call passive-aggressive shenanigans this week than you normally would.Cancer (June 21–July 22)Mixing and matching diverse flavors might come easily to a skilled chef, but for someone without training or instinct, it's all too easy to make an inedible mess. In that case, it's usually best to keep things simple. When in doubt, go for something you know you can't screw up too badly. It's important to recognize when you might be in over your head. Don't try some advanced recipe you've never even tasted, let alone tried to cook. Go for the very basic one you already know by heart; it'll be a bigger hit than you'd guess.Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)You don't want to get up. The floor is cold, and your bed so cozy. The alarm's infernal beeping is easily silenced. However, you should know that for every extra moment of comfort you steal now, you'll have to pay double for later, in stress and hassle. Is it really worth it? You might think so now, but that's only because you're not clearly and vividly imagining the price you'll be forced to shell out. Be sure to do so. Only then can you make an informed decision about what exchange rate between current comfort and future stress you still deem acceptable.Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)It might be your perverse fate this week to be locked in a virtual maze with no actual exits. Instead of scuttling around stupidly and frantically searching for an egress you know isn't there, I suggest making yourself comfortable. If this is a kind of trap or prison, you might as well make it cozy. Then waiting for a way out won't be so unbearable. When things open up, there's no chance you'll miss it, so there's no need to freak out or even to stay especially alert. Relax and enjoy your stay; the goal should be that when a way out finally opens up, you're almost (but not quite) reluctant to take it.Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)I'm not a big subscriber to the whole "opposites attract" school of thought. I'm inclined to believe that in the long run, two like-minded people will better get along. Luckily for you (and your current object of interest and intrigue), not everyone shares my view. After all, sun and storm, properly mixed, can produce a rainbow. So can you two, if you hit upon the right combination. This may take some practice, experimentation, and work. But where there's a will there's a way. If you both want to, you'll find it.Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)Anyone who's not blind sees examples of hypocrisy all around. Some successfully ignore or allow these, while others feel compelled to call out every single example. You, finding the former attitude intolerable and the latter exhausting, usually fall somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. This week is all about choosing those battles even more carefully than usual. The line you need to walk between doing too much and too little is finer and more tortuous than usual. Take it slow and think before you speak, though, and you should be able to navigate it anyway.Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)When I was younger, I was always in a rush. I'd drive as fast as I thought I could get away with, and never be satisfied that I was moving quite fast enough. Now that I'm older, I'm in less of a hurry. It's funny how the less time we have, the less urgent things feel. I enjoy more moments of my day more deeply than I did then. I keep waiting for you to slow down, too, but you're still keeping the pedal to the metal most of the time. That's fine; you should maintain whatever pace works best for you. However, if you did want to ease up on the accelerator for a little while, this week would be a fine time to give slowing down a go.Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)Unless you've developed technology or a mutant power I don't know about, you can't control the weather. That means that no matter how much you want your weekend getaway to be perfect, it could still be screwed by inclemency. That you would delude yourself otherwise tells me it's time for you to relearn a lesson you've apparently forgotten: Even your prodigious ability to plan, predict, and control has tangible limits. It's perfectly OK and desirable to constantly test and stretch these, but to flat-out deny them is a bad idea. Someone might decide you need to be schooled. Since this lesson would likely be painful and embarrassing, I suggest obviating the need for it altogether: Remember how to practice humility and letting go, fast.

 
comments powered by Disqus