Am Horny, Need Partner. Please Advise

Dear Dategirl,I remember you suggesting Nerve.com as a place one could go to find assignations. Did you mean the service one has to pay for? Because I've been trolling a few sites (Craigslist, etc.), and virtually every listing seems like a scam to me. Has every personals site been infested with scammers? Is there any place that regular single people can go? And are there any actual women interested in "NSA" flings, or is it all just bullshit?—Hopeful Horndog

In short, yes, there are women interested in fucking your brains out and then having nothing to do with you afterward. However, they can be difficult to run into, and can afford to be extremely picky. And before a bunch of angry dudes start firing off indignant e-mails, I don't make the rules, I just report them. It is about a million times easier to find a willing dude than it is a willing dame.Of course, if you look like Jonathan Rhys Meyers, I can almost guarantee you will have no problem finding any number of women happy to drop their panties and gobble your knob. However, if you're more the John Goodman type, well, that's going to take some finesse. I realize most men reside somewhere between the two types. So let's just say you're an Average Joe looking for an Average Jane to knock boots with once or twice a week. There are a couple of ways to go with this:•Go green and recycle. Surely there must be an ex whom you haven't pissed off too mightily. Maybe she's single and feeling horny and nostalgic? If enough time has passed and there aren't any lingering feelings of love or loathing, this could work out nicely for you both. Ideally she'd be a more casual ex, so there wouldn't be any hard feelings to start with. (Except the one in your pants. Forgive me, I'm 12.)•The friendly fucker. Look through your contact list and see if you have any winsome pals who might be willing to throw you a bone(r). While more difficult to work out than the ex-factor, this could also be good. Just remember always to be respectful, and unfortunately you're probably going to have to do a good deal of talking so no feelings get hurt in the process.•Online assignations. While I was single, I got more ass off Nerve.com than I'd ever gotten in my life. Unfortunately, I was generally sleeping with guys I hoped might morph into Mr. Right, while I was obviously Ms. Right Now to most of them. So yes, you can find women there—and yes, you're going to have to pay to join. (But jeez, if you're not willing to spend $30 a month or whatever it costs, you don't really deserve to get laid!) I never answered a note from a guy who professed to be looking just for sex, but I sure did wind up with a few (dozen). So I guess the way to go about that is to lie. Oh, and prepare yourself for a flurry of angry phone calls after you've done the pump 'n' dump.•Hire a pro. I realize that a guy who doesn't want to pony up the meager amount required to join an online dating site will probably find this a ridiculous option, but did you ever consider hiring someone whose job is to fuck you and then leave? Unlike other casual-sex options, you can be super-picky—whatever body type, hair color, or proclivities you enjoy can be ringing your doorbell within an hour or two. You won't have to worry about hurting her feelings or embarrassing yourself if you can't get it up.• Hello, Dolly! OK, I know $12K or so for a Real Doll (realdoll.com) is out of the question for most dudes, but I just saw Lars and the Real Girl, and it really made the whole thing look rather sweet.dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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