Cheatin' Ain't Easy

Dear Dategirl,Whoa. I think you might have been a little harsh with the guy who wrote you looking for guidance about his sexless marriage. I'm about the same age as this guy, and am also in great shape and have a very high sex drive. Except I've been married longer and my wife still likes sex. But the frequency isn't there anymore, and things do become predictable.Yes, it takes two, and I might be part of the problem (if there is one). But you have to work hard at it, and that is sometimes easier to say than accomplish. Under those conditions, what does a man's mind turn to? The only difference between he and I is that I haven't started to trawl the Internet yet (but I do lust about it sometimes).He should work on things with his wife first, of course, but I doubt your answer will encourage him much. You should have told him a little more nicely. Maybe he's a scumbag, but I understand his situation.—Another Old Married Guy

What kind of fairy-tale version of marriage did you guys buy into? Who told you that being married to the same person for 20 years or more would be a non-stop fuckfest? That you wouldn't get bored? That she wouldn't get wrinkles? That you wouldn't gain weight? Or lose your hair?My scorn wasn't directed at the original writer because he was having marital troubles; I gave him a hard time because he was abdicating any kind of responsibility for the situation and choosing to deal with it by lying to his wife and running around behind her back. Correction: attempting to run around behind her back. Dude wasn't even savvy enough to cheat competently.Let's look at your situation: Sex has become predictable and doesn't happen as often as you like, and you think cheating might be easier. There are a lot of things philandering is, but easy isn't one of them. Think of the effort involved:• Either you hook up with another married person, or you find a single woman with such low self-esteem that she's willing to settle for being some taken guy's side action. As our original writer reminded us, that's not as easy as Californication makes it look.• Once you find a willing partner, unless she has her own husband-free zone, you're going to be dropping dough on hotels or rutting in the backseat like a couple of middle-aged teenagers. Classy!• After being married for a few years, your wife knows your schedule as well as you know hers. Unexplained absences are going to raise big fat red flags. Sure, you can slip out at lunch, but unless the other woman works down the hall, that's going to take some serious calendar coordination.• Speaking of workmates—dating coworkers when both parties are single is generally frowned upon. When one or both of you are married, this ups the disapproval rating sky-high. And while you might think you're being discreet, your coworkers know. They always know. Then there's the whole harassment angle you need to worry about: If you're both at the same level, fine, but if either of you are higher on the food chain, this could have serious implications for your future. Do you really want to tell your wife you got fired for schtupping a subordinate? Probably not.• You know how your wife asks you if you still think she's pretty? Not only will you now have two broads asking this question, but one of them is going to be completely insecure because you're going home to your wife every night. So side piece is going to be needing quadruple the reassurance your wife does. Rest assured that this will not be reciprocated with quadruple the hot sex action.• Sure, there are some people who lie effortlessly, and these people are generally known as sociopaths. The rest of us have a hard enough time recalling the truth, let alone covering our own asses with a series of elaborate fibs.So basically you're wrong. Cheating is not the easy way out. It requires a dedicated commitment to being a duplicitous person. Far easier either to work on your marriage or get the hell out.dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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