Putin, I Banged Your Wife

If Axl Rose's long-delayed new album, Chinese Democracy, has been met with a colossal yawn by the music press, the nominal Guns N' Roses release has stirred up considerably more interest in the actual nation of China. According to New Music Express, the official Chinese Communist Party paper Global Times has offered up some scathing rock criticism, calling the album a "venomous attack" on the country, and saying that Rose's one-man band "turns its spear point on China." (You probably won't read anything as trenchant in Rolling Stone.)

Crystal Baal

The rejected alternate CD cover.

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More About

• Asia (Band)
• Axl Rose
• Guns N' Roses
• Dalai Lama
• Beijing

But the controversy doesn't stop there: It turns out that during Rose's 17-year effort to record the album, he weighed several other different potential titles. The first batch comprised more variations on the Oriental theme, but we're guessing China wouldn't have liked them any better:

Maybe You Should Listen to the Dalai Lama, Beijing, 'Cause He's Making Some Sense

You Know What? Chairman Mao Sucked

Your Olympic Mascot Was Totally Gay

Yao Ming Totally Blows at the Foul Line

Taiwan Without the Mainland Is Like GNR Without Slash, Who Was Totally Not Pulling His Weight

But the Chinese weren't the only nationality whom Rose might've chosen to offend (intentionally or not). Following is his even longer list of considered-but-rejected alternate Chinese Democracy album titles:

Canada: A Nation of White Fucking Trash

My Childhood Was Way Fucking Worse Than That Famine-in-Ethiopia Shit

Fucking Belgians

The Girls in Bulgaria Are All Fat Pigs (Believe Me, I Know)

Fuck You, Kurdistan

France, You Remind Me of My First Fucking Wife

What the Fuck Are You Looking at, Haiti?

Learn to Speak English, Fucking Spain!

Tunisia Is for Fags

Putin, I Banged Your Wife

Good luck with that European tour, dude. They're sure to love you over there.