Screw that techno bullshit—when it comes to a good dance party, there’s only one kind of music that can get pretty much any club jumping, and that, my friends, is not the crappy Destiny’s Child song I just alluded to. I’m talking about old-school hip-hop. I’m talking Public Enemy, I’m talking Zapp and Roger, I’m talking Naughty By Nature, I’m talking Digable Planets…I’m talking quality. Compared to those classic hits, contemporary Top-40 hip-hop stands up to scrutiny about as well as a tool shed in a tornado. But hook up some “Cold Lampin’ With Flavor” and I’ll be on the table so fast it’s like I’d been born and raised shaking my butt up there like a pasty Jewish Shakira. Which is why 2080’s night at The War Room is the best place to blow off all your midweek steam: DJs Fourcolorzack and Scene don’t just play ’80s jams, they break out the ’80s jams you forgot about, would never hear on the radio (unless it’s KEXP), or never even heard in the first place. These guys are experts at sifting through, selecting, and remixing should-be classics to keep the party hopping. And it is hopping, even though it’s on a Wednesday, when most people would rather stay home. Should you choose to show up before midnight, it might look sorta dead on the floor. But don’t be fooled—things start heating up closer to the witching hour. Feel free to kick things off yourself, or just grab a couple of drinks and sit tight. The bitchin’est dance party this side of the 21st century awaits.

Wednesdays, 9 p.m., 2007