This Week's Horoscopes

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22) Thinking outside of the box is all well and good, and I encourage it in general, but sometimes the inside-the-box solution is perfectly viable and a lot more convenient. Going out of your way to come up with an unconventional answer to a conventional question can be great fun, but in this case it's not necessary and will probably slow you down quite a bit. Wouldn't it be better to just get this particularly uninspiring task over and done with, so you can move on to the more interesting stuff that actually requires your creative genius? Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22) You might be so busy fighting your personal battles that you don't even notice who your allies—or I should say your potential allies—are. There are people whose goals are aligned closely enough with your own that you could easily team up, assuming you bothered to notice them, and make the suggestion. This is a total win-win; you need only take advantage of it. Naturally, if you'd rather forge on solo, that's your call—but considering that together you'd all accomplish much, much more than you would have on your own, I can't see why you'd pass up the chance. Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22) I know you think you've just been looking for the things and people you want in all the wrong places. Actually, you've been looking in most of the right places, but just turned up empty-handed. Usually it's useful to leave no stone unturned, but sometimes that's just a waste of time, as it would be this week. Don't completely shelve the searches you've had such bad luck with so far; just put them on the back burner until new doors open and new opportunities present themselves. For now, consider the possibility that because you were so busy looking for A and B in all the scenarios available to you that you completely missed the stunning and awesome X and Z that were right in front of your nose all along. Go back and find them. Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21) Sometimes all you can do is run down the list of excuses you have not to do something, and methodically eliminate them one by one. You know what you've got to do, but there's a stubborn part of your brain that's going to insist on trying to trip you up or otherwise keep you from actually getting there. You can't turn that part of your brain off, so all you can do right now is try to thwart it, which will involve being more creative, resourceful, and determined than it is. Can you beat yourself at your own game? This week, find out. Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21) The psychic vibe this week is like a hot, sticky, still summer day, when the air almost feels too thick to breathe. Luckily, your magic power is the ability to cut through that. You're a thunderstorm rolling in, shaking things up, and washing the heat right out of the air with the very force of your dramatic presence. Your purpose right now is to break shit down. Don't be afraid to knock out power to whole neighborhoods and give people a scare and a soaking they won't soon forget. That's what you're supposed to be doing. If you're not making a lot of noise and changing the dynamics of the situations you find yourself in (I hope for the better), you're not doing your job. Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19) Last night I dreamt I saw an action-horror movie in which a glamorous vampiress devoured her enemies one by one. Gradually, as the "film" progressed, I realized that I was rooting for her to triumph, even though traditionally I guess you're supposed to hope that the "good guys" win. When in the final scenes she hopped into a stolen sports car to flee from those who'd kill her, and had trouble operating the stick shift, I stepped into the movie and drove it for her, and helped her make a clean getaway. Most of the "good guys" and "bad guys" in your world are exactly what they seem; one or two, though, might break the mold. Re-examine them and see if they might need your help. If they do, step in and give it to them. Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18) Instead of waiting for the people who are supposed to take care of business to get off their asses and actually do it, step up yourself and get the shit done. It's not technically your job, but you're just as qualified and certainly more motivated. The alternative is sitting around, stewing, and waiting for something that might never happen. Another possibility might be to hang back and watch as someone else volunteers and botches the job entirely. Suck it up and do it yourself. Given the crap that'll hit the fan if you don't, that really is the best-case scenario. Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20) You can't avoid everything you find unpleasant, but you don't have to be quite so tolerant. There are certain people and scenarios you could easily eliminate from your day-to-day without any major negative repercussions. All that's stopping you is your own squeamishness and indecision. You'll always be able to see the positive sides of everyone and everything in your life, but at this point it should be clear that in certain cases the bad definitely outweighs the good. Stop putting up with shit you don't have to, especially since you have ample evidence that it's never going to change. Just get rid of it already. Aries (March 21–April 19) What seems like definitive information isn't. You're only looking at part of the picture, so leaping to conclusions based on the limited information before you wouldn't be wise, especially since you're quite likely to embrace dramatic positions you'd regret later once new information came to light. Don't set yourself up for embarrassment. You already spend way too much time with your foot in your mouth, trying to cram words you need to eat past your toes. Hold off on the dramatic pronouncements for a while, and wait until you're quite certain you're seeing the big picture and won't need to recant whatever position you take. Taurus (April 20–May 20) What started out looking like a lot of fun has turned out to be a total drag. You weren't led to this place by false pretenses per se, but you may as well have been, because what you saw is not what you got. In other words, the glimpse you got beforehand understandably caused you to make assumptions that were far from accurate. Sometimes that can lead to pleasant surprises, but in this case it didn't. That mostly lets you off the hook. I wouldn't just walk away from this without a word, but I would walk away. Offer an honest, non-bitchy explanation about what you're up to, then take your leave. Gemini (May 21–June 20) Are you sure you don't have a hidden agenda? Sometimes you do and don't realize it until after the fact, when you get what you secretly wanted all along. You know how easy it is for you to fool people. Don't gloss over the possibility that you might be deceiving yourself as well. What are your real motivations here? Can you be honest with yourself about what you want, and what outcome you're trying to bring about with your actions, either consciously or unconsciously? If you can, you can also go about manifesting that directly rather than covertly, which could potentially prevent numerous misunderstandings and bruised egos later. Cancer (June 21–July 22) Unfortunately, the more you fret, the better you'll get at it. Just like anything else, practice makes perfect. Tomorrow you'll be able to cram more intense worry into less time than you could yesterday. Obviously, this is an unhealthy cycle, one I hope you figure out how to escape. Accept now that you'll never be able to entirely let go of worry; in some ways it's hard-wired into your brain. Instead of trying to suppress it, your best bet is to counter it. Luckily, you can develop other, better thought habits, which you can use to drown out the nagging little voice in your brain that will always point out what might go wrong, forever. This week, practice those.

 
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