Kirsten Ulve
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A few months ago I met a fantastic guy at work. We have tons of fun together and have very similar senses of humor. He has, in fact, the perfect personality to complement my own. We've become quite good friends, but I've been keeping him at arm's length romantically. The reason is, I decided several months before I met him that I was going to move to California. This is set in stone and is less than seven weeks away. I've made up my mind, my bags are pretty much packed, and yet I can't seem to shake these feelings for this guy. I've been in a long-distance relationship before, and I honestly never want to go through it again. I really want to be with him, but feel like it would be shooting myself in the foot to get closer to him now. Should I throw caution to the wind and lose myself in a potentially amazing relationship for a few short weeks? Or should I keep the emotional walls up and leave the state more unencumbered but with that nagging question of "what if"?
—Smitten in Seattle
Do you know how often "potentially" amazing relationships materialize into "actual" amazing relationships? Hardly ever. So why are you sweating this? Chances are he'll do something to piss you off before you even get to the heavy-petting portion of the evening. And, on the off chance he doesn't get on your nerves, you'll have a great seven weeks of red-hot sex. Where is the downside?
Maybe it'll be so great you'll rethink your move. Or he'll decide to follow you to Cali. You don't know what, if anything, will happen, but that's no reason to sit around wondering. So quit being such a chickenshit and make with the ass-grab. Time's a-wasting.
I'm 30 years old, good-hearted, intelligent, ambitious, attractive, passionate, and fun to be with. I've been in Seattle for five years—about 3.5 of those years I've spent single. I am continually baffled by the women here. Here's the scenario: We have a first date. It goes well. Maybe there are a few more great dates, sometimes we have sex or at least passionate make-out sessions, and then—WHAM!—they fall off the radar. I call a day or two later to set up the get-together. Because nobody in this town ever seems to pick up their phones, I leave a voicemail. Most don't even return the call. Either I'm doing something wrong, or most women in this town are either emotionally damaged, unavailable, players, or flakes. I've never experienced this level of BS in other towns. Can you provide some insight?
—Throw Me a Frickin' Bone
You know what would happen if a guy didn't call me back after we'd had a great date? I'd wonder what was wrong with me. I'd wonder if I were too fat, too ugly, too foul-mouthed, too [insert deficiency of your choice here]. So did you ever consider that it might be you? You probably didn't, because when frustrated dudes write me, they're always quick to blame us dames, like there's some lady conspiracy designed to thwart their game. They claim Seattle women are too uptight, too flaky, too passive—I could go on and on, but what purpose would it serve? Women are flawed, just like men.
So quit with the blame game. The successful dater needs to develop a thick skin, otherwise bitterness seeps in and bitter boys never get laid. You've been having a bad run, and need to work on your attitude before you get out there again. And if it's any solace, I get identical letters from women complaining about freaky/flaky Seattle men all the time. I suggest everyone lighten up a few shades.
dategirl@seattleweekly.com
