This Week's Horoscopes

Cancer (June 21–July 22) Cancers are rarely early adopters. You're happy to pick up a "new" gadget a year or three after it's turned out to be a huge success, and you're more likely to watch a trendy TV show once it's come out on DVD. You've got enough going on without being concerned with what the hottest and newest thing might be, or wasting money and time on something that might turn out to be a bust. However, the opportunity before you is too good to pass up. Even though it's hardly a sure thing, you need to jump on this one, or miss out entirely. Leo (July 23–Aug. 22) If you're given reason to second-guess yourself this week, heed it. Take another, much closer look at your choices and make sure they're the right ones. Generally, it's best not to overthink things—usually your first guess is the best one. However, that's not always true. Sometimes your initial impulse is very, very bad. Occasionally the universe even tosses you a little hint that you might be heading in the wrong direction. Ignore such an omen at your peril this week. It's probably the only warning you'll get before you make a terrible mistake. Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22) Sometimes there's no way to get through a situation without hurting someone. Frequently, the alternative is hurting yourself instead, an option you often choose. However, that's not possible here. You've got to find your way through a very tricky situation. While you should by all means still pursue the course that causes the least amount of pain for the fewest people, you need to accept now that there's no perfect option. Someone's going to suffer, no matter what. It's better you choose who and try to minimize the damage than to just let things run their course—that would certainly be worse for everyone concerned. Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22) What's this bullshit about keeping "the devil you know" around? You've got an opportunity to get rid of something or someone bad in your life and you're wondering whether or not to take advantage of it? Why? Because you're worried that something worse might swoop in to take its place? That's just lame. It's much, much more likely that something amazing—or at least tolerable—will fill the gap left by whoever's currently playing Beelzebub in your world. If you have an opportunity to figuratively throw him off the train, you take it. Don't even think twice. Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21) Imagine you're crossing a tightrope over a deep, craggy chasm. The key here is to not lose your head. Keep moving and don't look down. Take little cautious baby steps if you have to, but never, ever stop. If you do, you might have trouble getting going again, and the longer you stay perched in the middle of this precarious scenario, the more likely you'll plummet and fall to your doom. You got yourself into this mess, but there's no point in kicking yourself about it, and trying to back out is likely to be even more calamitous than simply proceeding. Keep on trucking, my dear. Forward is the only direction left. Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21) Many cultures have similar creatures in their mythical pantheons. Tales of unicorns, faeries, centaurs, sea monsters, prehistoric floods, alien visitations, and yeti can be found in cultures the world over. Shared genetic memory? Odd coincidence? Who knows? Similarly, you're likely to discover that someone you know has a deep and intimate connection to your own personal mythology or faith, whether it's a profound conviction that Jesus rocks, or that you're Cleopatra reincarnated, or even that there's simply nothing else besides this life. Because your beliefs are so specific and idiosyncratic, it's unusual to find anyone who shares them. That alone makes this connection worth exploring. Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19) Now that you have this new goal, you're eager to start moving towards it, but hold your horses! You could do this willy-nilly and just dive right in. Knowing you, you would make steady progress, but you'd also make many mistakes along the way, because you'd encounter twists and turns that you might have been able to predict if you'd given it a bit more thought beforehand. Conversely, if you try to mentally map your route all the way to the end before you even take your first step, you'll get tripped up by some of the things you simply can't predict. This week, pursue the middle course. Don't plan this thing to death, but do spend a little time sketching a loose course for yourself—the goal is to completely avoid the surprises you can predict, and gracefully roll with the ones you can't. Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18) Parents often lie to, mislead, or conceal information from their children. Their intentions are good, but convincing your kid that Santa Claus is real may not actually be the best plan. It's a blow for kids to discover there is no tooth fairy, babies come from sex, and that people die. Those children I've known whose parents were universally frank with them have developed into personable, curious, and intelligent people. Those whose folks tried to shelter them from life's harsh realities sometimes have more trouble adjusting to them once their parents can't protect them anymore. Whether it's a kid or a companion, is it possible you're being more protective than you need to be? Especially if it involves deception of any kind, I think it's time to stop trying to shield those you love from reality. They can, and should, handle it. Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20) I heard someone say, "It's like taking a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time," and I thought, "Holy shit—that's Pisces!" You have a couple of easily solvable problems, but the timing and methods you're applying are only going to compound the situation and ultimately make it worse. Think this through. Take one thing at a time and deal with that. Trying to cope with everything at once will overwhelm you and probably create a whole new set of problems. What's the most pressing issue on your plate right now? Address and resolve that before you even look at the next one down the list. Aries (March 21–April 19) Sometimes your quickness to rush into action gets you into trouble or needlessly embarrasses you (later). This week that scenario is very likely. I wouldn't dream of asking you to not address a problem—but would you consider holding off on doing so? Even an hour or two might do (though a day or two would be better). Sometimes these issues have ways of resolving themselves, or you may find that with a little time you can simply get over it without having to make a stink about it. Give yourself that time. If after 48 hours a fuss still seems necessary, by all means go make one. Taurus (April 20–May 20) How far are you from the things that make you feel secure, rooted, and safe? I'm worried you may have strayed further than strictly wise, or necessary. Most water signs, for example, are comforted by proximity to the ocean, a lake, or a river (although Pisces can often make do with a nice deep bathtub). What would give you earthy Bulls solace or strength in trying times? This week, if you can figure out what it is, you should have a chance of bringing yourself closer to a fount of strength and contentment. I can't imagine why you'd pass that up. Gemini (May 21–June 20) Let's not get too hung up on "normal." It might still be weird to see a guy in a skirt here in the States, but in Scotland it'd be perfectly normal to see men in kilts in certain contexts. While no one would bat an eyelash to see an American woman walking around in shorts and a tube-top, she could be imprisoned for such "lewdness" in more conservative cultures. In other words, the concept of "normal" is very arbitrary and can change from year to year or as you cross international borders. Please don't be shallow or shortsighted enough to let it keep you from getting to know someone. In fact, the weirder you think they are, the more you'd probably ultimately get out of knowing them.

 
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