This Week's Horoscopes

Cancer (June 21–July 22) If you've been disciplined about your new habits, you should have started seeing some modest results by now. If you haven't, it's because you haven't been disciplined enough. Your first inclination at this point may be to simply throw in the towel and give up entirely, but I hope you can resist that defeatist urge. Look at my first sentence again; discipline would have yielded results by now. If you haven't manifested that kind of perseverance and determination yet, take the opportunity to do so now, or in a month you'll be in exactly the same place—only you'll feel even worse about it. Leo (July 23–Aug. 22) You're likely to finally get a little much-needed support for one of your least popular plans, but it's also likely to simply be too little, too late. Use this moment to notice that it might be time to just let this particular dream go—it's not going to happen, at least not the way you've envisioned it. It's time to release and rethink your ideas about it. Only when you free up this valuable time and energy will you have any chance of making anything interesting happen. It won't be what you wanted; it might not even be nearly as good. But it'll be something—which is a lot more than you have right now. Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22) You don't have room in your life or schedule to add a whole new thing. There's no solid block of time where you could put it. However, incorporating a new element into your life doesn't have to be so dramatic. You could fit it into the cracks in your routine. For instance, although I also try to work out for an hour or two nearly every day, I fit in little five-minute workouts throughout my day. This isn't necessarily ideal, but it's what I can manage. By refusing to settle for anything less than the perfect arrangement, you'll probably end up accomplishing exactly nothing. A compromise has to be better than that, doesn't it? Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22) There you are, steadily dog-paddling your way across the lake. Your lips are blue and your muscles feel like damp clay, but you won't give up. I admire your determination, but I do wonder if your stubbornness goes a bit too far. You said no to those people who rowed by in their little boat and offered to give you a lift, and turned up your nose at the abandoned inflatable mattress you bumped into. I understand you want to do this for yourself, but isn't it possible you're taking self-reliance too far? After all, the whole point is to get there. While it does matter how you do it, does it matter enough to risk not getting there at all? Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21) I'm incredibly disappointed when parents give their kids boring names simply to keep them from being made fun of in elementary school. They let the potential cruelty of other children determine their kid's name for his whole life, saddling him with something utterly ordinary and forgettable just to avoid having some idiot kids tease him for it. The problem is, if kids want to make fun of him, they'll find a reason no matter what, so his parents might as well give him the vivid, unique name he deserves. Similarly, the precautions you're taking won't prevent the dilemma you're trying to avoid; they'll just block one avenue to it. Don't bother with them. Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21) Keep moving towards your goal, but try to be open-minded. There's no need to explicitly change your mind about where you think you're headed; just don't pitch a fit if you never actually get there. Where you end up instead could be as fascinating as it is surprising, and might ultimately suit you better than your original destination. Getting derailed or otherwise thrown off course might turn out, in retrospect, to be the best thing that ever happened to you, so don't freak out if it happens, and especially don't blow up at whoever you think is at fault. That person could be your guardian angel, trying to help you get to where you really need to go. You'll want them to still love you when you figure out just how much you love them. Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19) There's a fine line between persistence and obstinacy. You already know that only losers give up at the first sign of trouble. However, those who throw themselves repeatedly at a wall that will never come down are even bigger losers. Successful Caps are those that can figure out whether something is truly a lost cause, or simply requires godly determination. Can you see the line between the two, even though it's faint and ever-shifting? This week, make sure you're clear about where exactly it is, and which side of it you're on. Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18) What would you do if you woke up one day and discovered you could no longer read, walk, or speak? How would you react if abilities you take for granted every day were snatched away overnight? I'll tell you: You'd freak out, you'd cry, and then you'd adapt. You'd figure shit out and move on. If you could get used to something like that (and you could, I promise), you shouldn't have so much trouble adjusting to your recent losses, which are much less dramatic. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on; remember, it could be a lot worse. Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20) All Pisces are masochists to some extent. Consciously or not, you all invite some misery into your lives. Remember this the next time you suffer. This isn't to say that you asked for it, exactly, but you also didn't do what you might have to prevent it. This isn't a critique; I think it's a virtue to remain vulnerable and open, even if it means you may pay the price in pain and suffering. The alternative is to do your best to remain completely safe, and therefore closed-off and untrusting. That would go against your very nature and cut you off from what makes you special. Safety and security are illusory, and not all they're cracked up to be. It may sound odd, but—keep hurting, and be thankful that you can. Aries (March 21–April 19) Ah, the torture of waiting. Patience is not one of your virtues, and you will usually do anything you can to keep from waiting to see how something turns out. Some things can't be rushed, however, and this is one of them. Jumping ahead here would be like skipping to the last page of a book before you're done with Chapter Two. Not only would it make no sense, but it would rob the book of any emotional significance it might have had otherwise. Bide your time, Aries. See how this plays out, in its own time. You might as well be cool with that; it's your only real option. Taurus (April 20–May 20) I try not to kill bugs. I assume that on some level they value their lives as much as I value mine, and killing them just because they're little and I can is cruel and unnecessary. Sometimes I destroy them by accident, and I don't torture myself with guilt over it, but it feels good to consciously eschew needless nastiness. You should do the same. I'm not so sure you've made a great effort in recent times to simply be kind to other living beings. Everyone's got a mean streak that gets the best of them sometimes. This week, do your best to develop a habit of reining yours in. Gemini (May 21–June 20) So things didn't work out the way you'd planned, and, unfortunately, they didn't turn into happy accidents that were actually better than what you had in mind. Shit. Unfortunately, that's just how things go sometimes, and crying about the injustice of it all is more or less a waste of your time. In fact, the sooner you can cut your losses and move on, the better. Hanging out here will just compound your suffering, and ultimately make things worse. You can't change what happened. Stop torturing yourself and just accept it. There are greener pastures ahead. Go find them.

 
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