How to Throw a House Party, According to Seattle’s Biggest Sports Franchises

It takes more than just $6 bottles of Miller Lite and “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” to really get a party hopping.

June brings many reasons to celebrate: the beginning of summer, the end of the school year, and, if we're lucky, designated hitter Jose Vidro's fourth home run of the season. Today we take a look at what our city's three largest franchises can show us about getting down. As you'll see, it takes more than just $6 bottles of Miller Lite and "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" to really get a party hopping.How to throw a house party, Mariners style:• Pre-funk with Kool-Aid; say "this will be the best party ever!"• Buy cases of Busch for $40 each, call it Pyramid.• Compose guest list of dudes who were hard partiers a long time ago.• Enforce strict no-girl-on-girl kissing policy.• Blame guests for not partying hard enough.• Drink O'Doul's, proclaim self drunk.• Send the bill to Nintendo.• Retract the roof!How to throw a house party, Sonics style:• Guest of honor not old enough to drink.• Threaten to move party to Oklahoma City.• Don't advertise party.• When nobody shows up, use that as excuse to try to move party to Oklahoma City.• Exchange e-mails with other party planners, proclaim self "possessed" by idea of moving party to Oklahoma City.• File lawsuit to move party to Oklahoma City.• Watch Doogie Howser reruns, make Sam Presti repeat Doogie's lines.How to throw a house party, Seahawks style:• Get Paul Allen to sponsor party (bonus points if you can ride the SLUT there).• Obtain public funding for venue with acoustic design to maximize noise.• Keg stands with Blitz!• Hire Mike Holmgren as DJ (he already has the headphones). He will pull aside those leaving the dance floor and exhort them to "leave it all on the f---ing floor!"• Watch lots of film.• Be competent; become default party when Sonics' and Mariners' parties suck.

 
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