Dear Dategirl,
The thought of putting a penis in my mouth makes me gag. The only times I’ve ever done it, I had to get wasted first. I don’t understand how anyone can like putting something that URINE comes out of in their mouth!
Most of the men I’ve been with haven’t been happy about this, but I don’t make them go down on me, so I think it’s fair. But recently I met someone I really liked, and I’m furious because I think that’s why he doesn’t want to go out with me! We met at a party, but I was going out of town the next day for a week. He called while I was away and we talked. At first the tone was just as flirty as it had been, but then he mentioned that a mutual friend had told him that I don’t give BJs and asked if it was true! I told him the truth and said that I didn’t like doing that, but didn’t think it was a big deal. I changed the subject and we got off the phone. Since then I haven’t heard from him.
Is this really such a big deal? What should I say to him?
—No Jobs
I’m sure there are men who don’t like blowjobs. Just as there are people who’d prefer not to win the lottery. These two groups are probably about equal in number. But I don’t actually have a penis, so I asked some menfolk how they’d feel about dating a lady who refused to lick the spitter.
“This is a huge deal-breaker for me,” said Elvis, a guy I’ve known for the past 20-odd years. “I was dating a girl who didn’t like me to give her head and wouldn’t give me head. It was a no-go.”
Let’s stop for a moment and examine Elvis’ statement. I asked him if he liked blowjobs, and his first response was to be re-annoyed by the woman who wouldn’t let him go down on her. So while you think you’re being “fair” by prohibiting snatch-snacking, you might be denying him something he enjoys. I’m sure that seems unfathomable to you, but giving you pleasure gives them pleasure. (Obviously this isn’t true of every guy, but we’re only discussing men worth dating here.)
Bruce had another theory about your reluctance. “If she’s completely, psychologically incapable and unwilling to perform fell-ah-tee-oh, then it could mean she’s got other, even more psychotic hangups, and she should be avoided,” he said via e-mail.
I know you didn’t ask, but I think you might want to rethink your blowjob stance. Yes, pee-pee comes out of the penis. So what? It’s not as if these dudes are asking you for golden showers or to toss their salads; they’re asking for a sweet, succulent kiss in the pants.
Unless you’re dealing with the severely hygiene-impaired, sucking cock isn’t gross. And hey, if he knows a blowie’s in his future, he’ll probably even wipe down his junk for you. I once had a boyfriend who was loath to clean his filthy ass and challenged me to give him one good reason he should set aside his vegan anarchist punk-rock scruples and give into the man by becoming a slave to soap. “Because you have a rancid, stinking, cheesy cock that you expect me to put into my mouth,” was my answer—and into the shower he went.
My guess is you probably aren’t going to get a chance to say anything, because he’s already written you off. When I hear a guy say he never goes down on women, that tells me he’s probably uptight and squeamish about a lot of things. I’m sure your boy had the same worries. Because let’s face it, blowjobbers are fun-havers.
