This Week's Horoscopes

Gemini (May 21–June 20) Keep your head and heart in separate rooms, so you can only hang out with one at a time. They'll each be telling you such different things that being subject to both their influences simultaneously would only make you confused, bewildered, and ill. Your brain's loud instructions about what your heart ought to want could easily drown out your actual desires. It sucks to find out that you didn't really want something after you get it. You might as well order up a round of hurt feelings for everyone, on the house! Or you could just make sure neither head nor heart has the chance to override the other, but instead do your best to heed both—separately. Cancer (June 21–July 22) Think through all the ramifications of the move you want to make. It's more complicated than it appears at first. It doesn't matter how "right" the decision feels if it turns out you lack the skills or resources to carry it off properly. Take it five or 10 steps further inside your head. What will you want or need to happen after that? Some aspects of your wishes will require luck, but as for the others, you should be able to accurately predict what you can or can't do yourself. Make sure those jobs will get done and figure out who'll do them—before you make the leap. Leo (July 23–Aug. 22) It's so easy for you to get swept up in the romance of a situation. Picture this: Someone looks deeply into your eyes and says, "Let's hold hands and jump off this cliff together. A leap of faith!" There's a part of you that's likely to find that very compelling, simply because it's so dramatic and romantic. Even if you never thought of this person that way before, you could take them up on their suggestion, swept away by the romance of the situation. Just remember before you leap: When the rush of the experience is over, you may look longingly at the high place you just sprang from. It could look a lot better than the person standing next to you down here at the bottom—and by the time you realize that, it may already be too late. Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22) Although you think you're speaking in plain, unequivocal terms, most of those you're addressing are privately confused. Whose side are you on? What are you really thinking? What do you want to happen here? We all want to help you, but we need more direction. I think your lack of clarity is coming from a desire not to ruffle feathers, hurt feelings, or be a bitch. But since you're more or less the leader in this particular situation, chances are you'll have to do all three. Suck it up and get the job done, already. Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22) I tend to have strong opinions about virtually everything. Like you, I can see both sides of whatever issue I'm facing, but according to my perception, one side is usually clearly wrong. You'd probably never see it that way. I appreciate your willingness to consistently straddle a fence that surely can't be comfortable, and your ability to truly want to be on everyone's side. Unfortunately, that's not possible here. Both sides will soon start throwing lassos and rocks. The push and pull will make your balancing act painful and impossible. Pick a side, fast, so you have somewhere to hide when the shit starts to fly. Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21) There's no need to go down with a ship that's determined to sink. You've tried everything you could to steer it in a different direction. You've hollered at people, tried tricky navigational manipulations, and protested in every way you could. If everyone else involved is unwilling or unable to change their heading after all that, I'd bail out now if I were you. They may know something you don't, or simply have a different agenda than you do, or they could simply be self-destructive idiots. Whatever the case, you don't have to be in the same boat with them, especially since there's another ship passing by right about now. Don't let it sail away with just a wave. Grab a life jacket and hop on board. Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21) It may feel like some of the other people involved are dragging their feet, but try to be patient anyway. There are a lot of things happening behind the scenes which you're not privy to. That's a good thing, because those dealing with them are far better equipped than you are to get the results you want. However, that takes time, and your impatient nagging and constant questions won't make things go any faster. So chill out! Find ways to distract yourself, and practice trusting others to get the job done. If you do, they will. Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19) There's always going to be someone who knows more, has more experience, or is simply better. There's no need to feel outclassed or unable to get the job done, though, because there's an alternative: Enlist their aid. This is a great week to get the help you need to excel. It might be as simple as just asking for it, or it may involve a bit more bargaining. Regardless, don't be foolishly self-reliant when you've got someone great who'll chip in. All you have to do is ask them the right way or give them the right thing, and they'll get the job done far better than you ever could—which, of course, will make you look very good. Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18) Some things come so easily to you that you excel at them without even trying. Thus when you encounter something you can't do with one eye closed and both hands tied behind your back, you actually struggle more than most, because you're not used to having to work so hard. This is one of those times. The task you're attempting isn't actually so difficult; it's just much more of a challenge than anything you've been up to lately. You may have to roll up your sleeves and break a sweat here. Don't freak out; this task is well within the limits of what you're capable of; it's just a lot closer to them than anything you've done in a long, long time. Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20) Laziness, reluctance to be embarrassed, and excessive caution are your worst enemies right now. You can pretend there are outside factors, but really you're the only one holding you back right now. There's no easy, perfectly safe way to get what you want. You quite simply have to go out on a limb and make some real effort. You need to risk humiliation and try with all your might. Anything less and you might as well just give up and go home. Do that, though, and don't expect ever to be invited back. Chances are you'd get the door slammed in your face the next time you came around. Aries (March 21–April 19) Keep a cool head. Your most stupid and embarrassing moments happen when you let anger get the best of you. I love that you have such passion that compels you to do ridiculous things, but, at the same time, blindly riding your wild emotions toward some crazy action won't take you anywhere good. On the other hand, being too reserved won't serve you well either, since people will be convinced that you don't really give a shit. A middle road between the two is the route to victory. That's tricky territory for you Rams to discover and navigate, I know, but try to find your way there anyway. Taurus (April 20–May 20) Notice how much you're complaining this week. Don't bother assessing whether you have valid reasons to complain (you do), but simply look at how much you're kvetching. At some point, it doesn't matter how legitimate your beefs are. If people are sick of hearing you gripe about them, your complaints are likely to have more of a negative impact on your life than anything else. Bite your tongue when things are less than ideal. That's likely to frequently be the case this week; your only real option, though, is to simply suck it up and deal.

 
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