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This Week's Horoscopes

By Caeriel Crestin

April 30, 2008

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

For some people, the best part of sex is the intimacy that can follow the act. Barriers go down (if only temporarily), and they can enjoy each other in ways that aren't possible any other time. This is the kind of openness you should strive for this week, especially when dealing with someone important to you with whom you haven't always seen eye-to-eye. I'm not saying you should hop into bed with them (although that may be an option); luckily there are other ways to arrive at that place of mutual vulnerability. Perhaps explore one of those?

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

When did time become a tigress, stalking you in the tall grass and suddenly pouncing on you? With events sneaking up on you and making you feel as helpless and unprepared as a baby rabbit in the grip of a big cat, you might just do what the bunny would do—freeze up and wait for it to be over. However, I hope you can keep your cool. Even though it may not feel like it, there's still time to react effectively. Do something, anything you can think of. It's got to be better than just rolling over and waiting for the end.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

Honestly, just relax. I know you're used to stressing, and you feel like unless you're really proactive, everything you're working on will go off the rails or simply not happen. This week's likely to mess with your instincts, though, because it'll only take about 10 percent of the effort you're used to putting into these things to keep everything on track. So just chill out, inside and outside your head! Pretend you're a stoned Pisces or something. This week, consider yourself more or less free of Murphy's Law; Murphy is on vacation and only phoning it in.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

I have no real problem with your idiosyncratic form of elitism; it's your choice, after all, who you hang out with and who you don't. You know already that sometimes it means you miss out on someone who could be great but doesn't make a good enough impression to pass your screening process. You're fine with that. This week, however, the situation you're in makes snobbiness a big no-no—not just because you'd lose the opportunity to get to know someone awesome, but because people are likely to be snobby right back. Be open, and openness is what you'll get. Shun, and prepare to be shunned in return.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

Who cares what kind of grunge is lurking behind your fridge or under the stove? Those are places no one is ever likely to see unless they actually move these huge, heavy appliances. Well, you do, I know. There's no changing the fact that you're concerned with things that don't concern most people. That doesn't matter—you're allowed to take an interest in whatever you want. Your problem: You have to get at least one or two other people fired up about stuff they really don't care about. You need them to (at least metaphorically) help you move the fridge and stove, to clean up behind and under them. Is it a problem that's really worth solving? Only you can decide that. However, should you put your mind to finding a solution this week, I'm sure you will.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

Make yourself scarce. I rarely answer my phone, so when I bother to log into my IM account, I'm suddenly deluged with friends who will jump at the chance to say hi and check in, in real time rather than via phone texts or e-mails. Too much saturation makes people take you for granted. Make them a little hungry for the delight and wonder that is you. And if you don't believe you're delightful and wonderful enough to have people missing you and seeking you out, wherever you are, I'd spend this time alone figuring out why.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

Move in, already. Months into this thing you're still living out of boxes. The walls are bare of decoration and you're digging through a backpack for the day's wardrobe. You still haven't made yourself at home. You haven't let yourself get used to this new situation. What's it going to take for you to unpack your stuff, hang up some art, and really start living in this moment? I'd spend this week figuring that out, because otherwise you could continue as you have indefinitely. Move in or move out. Living in limbo is just a waste of time.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

Buried bodies have a way of coming back to haunt you. Some of your past mistakes are still out there, and you never know when one might pop up and make you feel like shit all over again. That's a strong possibility in the next couple of weeks. Don't worry too much about the imminent return of the zombie problem that just won't die, though. It's an opportunity, not something to dread. This time, rather than trying to bury it or outrun it, try a different strategy—bring it back to full life. If you can get this particular zombie back to a place where he can digest regular fruits and veggies again, your brain can finally be taken off the menu.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

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