Rossi Puts the Viaduct Back in Play

Here’s a look at some alternatives that didn’t make the cut.

Gubernatorial hopeful Dino Rossi says he wants to put a tunnel replacing the Alaskan Way Viaduct back on the table as part of his $15 billion transportation plan announced this week—the same tunnel, of course, that was rejected by voters last year. But Rossi wants to shell out $2.79 billion for it anyway.Sounds crazy, right? Maybe not: We here at the Cutting Room spent hours last week watching Grey's Anatomy reruns and piecing together the shredded remnants of the first drafts of the Rossi transit package, salvaged from a garbage can outside his Sammamish Plateau home. Therein, alternative fixes to the viaduct problem emerged as follows, with projected sticker prices:• Giving each resident of West Seattle a commuter jet ski: $789 million.• Expanding the Duwamish river to canal proportions and taking ferries off the Bremerton route to bring Kent and Federal Way commuters into town by water: $982 million (Bremerton commuters will be given those bikes with giant floating wheels).• Installing teleporters on either end of the current viaduct, dematerializing vehicles as they enter, and rematerializing them on the Aurora Bridge: $3.28 billion (plus Star Trek licensing costs).• Replacing Mayor Greg Nickels with a robot and having Robot Nickels announce Seattle's secession from Washington State, making the whole thing no longer our problem: $2.31 to $4.76 billion, depending on model year of robot (wait, didn't the non-robot mayor actually suggest secession last week? Oh, right, he was just kidding).• Unveiling "Flying Cars by 2020" plan: costs unknown (still in discussions with research staff behind documentary Back to the Future).

 
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