Seattle Weekly Goes to Hollywood

Ripped from the headlines: It's an old Hollywood tradition. Think of All the President's Men, Saturday Night Fever, or, more recently, American Gangster, all of which were derived from some unsung reporter's original drudge work. But it's not just from The Washington Post or Outside magazine. We alt-weeklies have our industry connections, too, you know. In fact, when we heard that our sister paper L.A. Weekly had gotten a story about a jailhouse singing contest optioned by Disney, we had to snort, "Is that all?" Below is just a sampling of the blockbusters being adapted from our recent pages.

Trash-hauling hunk Chris Martin, the handsomest guy ever to pose in short shorts while sitting on a garbage can, was profiled in September by Nina Shapiro, who detailed his ecologically minded efforts to rid our streets of litter and better dispose of our debris. In this "green" romantic comedy, single journalist Shapiro (Sarah Jessica Parker) is, yes, swept off her feet by the charismatic clean freak (Colin Farrell), a man of refuse whom women can't refuse. But here's the catch in their burgeoning relationship: Will he, the compulsive cleaner and Casanova, mistakenly throw away the treasure that is...her heart?

Xbox: Revolutions

Last spring, Karla Starr risked legal prosecution—and extreme exposure to Magic: The Gathering references—when she went undercover to investigate the grim netherworld of video game testers: pallid young tech drones employed in near servitude by wealthy Eastside software cartels. Starr's exposé made her a real-life heroine to the oppressed contract workers who are lured by the promise of fun, then sent to the cyber–salt mine to press on/off switches for hours at a stretch. The dramatic potential did not go unnoticed by the Wachowski brothers (The Matrix), who have already cast Jessica Alba as the über-hot former Navy SEAL who secretly infiltrates vid game test giant GloboSoft (led by a sneering John Malkovich), where young nerds are engorged with mind-altering cans of RockStar that, yes, erase the line between fantasy and reality. To Starr's horror, she discovers that these employees—Ethan Suplee (My Name Is Earl), Masi Oka (Heroes), and Jorge Garcia (Lost)—only believe they go home at night to their regular lives. In fact, they're still inside the game they're testing! The bosomy Starr manages to conceal her hotness with spectacles and baggy clothing until the final showdown, when she dons Lycra and bandoliers, her automatic pistols blasting the testers' way off central campus and to the Overlake Applebee's!

Gotz 2 B Nickels!

Mike Seely lifted the lid on our mayor's predilection for smooth jazz last year, and the city still hasn't stopped buzzing about a city-funded music club that may, or may not, be located in West Seattle. Now, director Rob Marshall (Chicago) has turned Seely's story into cinema's first all-contemporary-jazz adaptation—a smooth-ical, if you will—in which Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels (a bulked up Harry Connick Jr.) advances his agenda by entrancing political opponents and skeptical media alike with retro 1970s production techniques and diabolically catchy saxophone riffs. Those squares on the City Council soon find themselves soulfully nodding their heads in assent to his pro-growth, developer-friendly policies. Musical numbers will include "Baby, If You Only Knew (What a Height Exemption Feels Like)," "Chillaxin' on the Trolley," "Growth Cap Bustin'," and "Song for Paul (Allen)." Score by Fourplay. Guest appearances by Michael MacDonald (as Tim Ceis) and Christopher Cross (as Marty McOmber). Seely himself will appear in a cameo credited as Other Drunk Guy at Bar.

Allentown

This gritty film noir is set in a formerly working-class Cascade neighborhood newly dubbed South Lake Union by corrupt pols and greedy billionaires who have betrayed the public trust and made the hood their personal piggy bank. Newfangled biotech companies, condos, and trolleys threaten to displace the salt-of-the-earth residents and blue-collar laborers who give the district its authentic feel. Only crusading journalist Rick Anderson (Nick Nolte) stands in the way of the scheme to evict the commercial printers, plumbing-supply wholesalers, furniture upholsterers, blacksmiths, fishmongers, stevedores, cobblers, and tavern owners. But will Anderson's speaking truth to power mean that his last byline is signed in blood?

On the Rocks

More than one eyebrow was raised when City Council member Richard McIver was arrested for drunken misbehavior, just hours after sharing drinks with ace reporter Aimee Curl. In the adaptation, an R-rated thriller to be directed by Paul Verhoeven, Curl becomes a predatory femme fatale (Uma Thurman), who brings down a series of powerful Seattle politicos with her sultry wiles and hard-drinking ways. Is she merely a seductive sociopath, or could her campaign of seduce-and-destroy—which might extend to murder!—be payback for their having paved over her favorite running trail? Josh Hartnett plays the cop who tries to stop her, then falls for the temptress—unaware that he could be her next victim!

Slow Food Confidential