Dear Capitol Hill:
Hi. Delridge here. If you've never heard of us, you should have by now: We're Seattle Magazine's No. 1 neighborhood. Granted, this is an honor that even our most enthusiastic residents consider a bit bizarre and premature, but we'll take it. With this distinction should come restaurants, bars, cute little boutiques, salons, coffeehouses, galleries, and an artsy movie theater. Y'know, like they have in Ballard, Wallingford, Fremont, Columbia City, Queen Anne, and especially Capitol Hill. Let's just take coffeehouses. You've got Vita, Bauhaus, Fuel, Faire, Ladro, Joe Bar, Pettirosso, B&O, Kaladi Brothers, Tully's, Top Pot, Extas, two Starbucks, two Vivaces, two Victrolas, two Onlines, and two Stumptowns.
What have we got on Delridge? Almost none of what we're entitled to. And as for coffee, on the north end, there's Uptown, which is spacious and wonderful. Mid-Delridge, there's a tiny new place called Bubbles. A few blocks south is a place called Pacino's, which was open for like a day in late summer before mysteriously closing. South of that? Heavy fuel: namely, Shell and AM/PM. On the city's southern boundary, there's Cafe Rozella, but that's creeping into White Center. Coffee seems to have infiltrated the rest of West Seattle—why not Seattle's No. 1 barrio?
Obviously, this isn't fair. Clearly, we should have one of the Stumptowns, Victrolas, Vivaces, and Onlines (you can keep Starbucks). In return, we've got a greenbelt that runs along Puget Ridge we'd be willing to part with (we're keeping the one along Longfellow Creek). We'll also give you half of Home Depot, including the parking, and the Lam-Bow apartments. A deal can be struck here, Capitol Hill. Give us your coffee, and we'll give you wide-open spaces, be they leafy or concrete. We want what you've got, and you need what we take for granted. Stop hoarding all the fucking beans!