My boyfriend, Ruby, just told me that he was the smartest person he knew. My reaction was to dry heave. This is a 40-year-old man who got a degree in physics and math but never paid his library fines off, so can't get a job since he can't technically prove he has a degree. He works at a gas station right now.
I have an abusive roommate who screams at me every day, and when I complain about it to Ruby, he tells me that he "knew this would happen and in a month we will all be friends again." He says that the roommate is "schizophrenic but basically a nice guy." A nice guy does not put cats in dryers and kill them.
Ruby used to be the sort of guy who told other people about how good and smart I was. No more. Now it's all about him. I love him, but how much arrogance can one girl take? I just feel so hurt. He used to call me a genius, and now, for some reason, he feels superior to me.
Over the last five years—I just turned 25—I've humbled up a bit. I used to be a cocky son of a bitch, but no more. Now that I am a little more realistic about my abilities, Ruby feels he can trample me and take the roommate's side on things.
Just between you and me [and anyone else who happens to be reading—DG], he also can't get it up. I don't mind right now because I'm going through a low sex-drive period.
I love him, so don't just tell me to get out! It's not so clear here. He is different...we are very compatible.In Need of Support
Who gives a shit about your loser boyfriend—you live with a guy who murders kitties! WTF?! You know that kind of thing is against the law, don't you? You can't just put Mr. Whiskers in the dryer if he misbehaves. Have you considered, oh, I don't know, maybe calling the cops on the psycho? Or kneecapping him? Or perhaps moving?
A combination of all three approaches would be your best course of action, yet to you, his actions are just a footnote; your big concern is that your dopey boyfriend thinks he's smarter than you. Waaah! That he doesn't appear to live with a deranged cat killer leads me to believe he may have a point.
I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I'm betting that boyfriend is only siding with your lunatic roommate so you won't ask to move in with him. The added bonus is that if he can also convince himself that everything's hunky-dory at your house, he feels less guilty about the fact that you live with a guy who puts cats in dryers. I could be wrong, but I'll wager that his constant put-downs are also designed to push you away. You've been with this load all of your young adult life, so you can be excused for not seeing the signs that a more experienced dater would read with ease.
See, when a guy wants to break up with you but is too much of a panty stain to pull the plug himself, there are certain things he does to save himself the drama of being the dumper. Cheating is one tried-and-true method. Another is putting you down—belittling and not fucking you are two extremely efficient ways of accomplishing that.
You're probably thinking that if he didn't want to go out with you, he'd just break up with you. While it's true that a real man would do this, your guy can't even get his shit together to pay off his library fees, which would enable him to get a real job that would require him to tax his brain beyond "regular or unleaded." (Not that there's anything wrong with pumping gas—especially when it's so lucrative these days.)
The sad fact is that, though you're a good 15 years younger than he is, you're outgrowing your boyfriend and it's scaring the crap out of him. Do the wuss a favor and pull the plug. (But only after you call the cops on your roommate.)
Dating dilemmas? Write Dategirl at firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.