You know what? Your fancy-ass carbon-fiber racing bike that costs more than my car isnt making you a better cyclist. What true two-wheeled enthusiasts know is that the heavier the bike, the closer to God. And the older the better, too. And your ride should also have a kickstand, so it doesnt fall over when you stop for a beer. And if you drink too many beers, your vintage steel fat-tire cruiser should be able to withstand the occasional tipsy tip-over, too. Thats the point to this seventh-annual celebration of old-school, balloon-tire traditions. The parade (at 11 a.m.), open to all, is followed by music and a beer garden lasting until six oclock. The event, promoted by a brewery (of course), New Belgium Brewing Co., benefits the Bicycle Alliance of Washington and Bike Works, both worthy local organizations devoted to safety, advocacy, and outreach. Appropriately, the music from The Reals and March Fourth Marching Band takes place on solar-powered stages, and the whole touring extravaganza (through 11 cities) is powered by biodiesel. Also expect fire eating, beetle taming from Circus Contraption, and bicycle ballet from Portlands Sprockettes among the sideshow attractions. And extra points to you if your bike only has one gear.