Real Stories of Metro Transit's Meanest, Weirdest, Cheapest, Horniest, and Smelliest Passengers

Last June, Metro Transit driver Lori Cogar was driving the Route 71 bus in the University District when she heard someone yelling to be let off. Cogar, who had just pulled away from a bus stop, ignored the request. It would prove to be a mistake.

At the end of the line at Third and Pike, a female passenger with a long, graying braid down her back approached the driver and propped herself up against the dashboard. "You should have let me off at that stop," she said. What happened next is detailed in Metro Security Incident Report #062704, which Cogar filed the following day.

"I tried to explain that I couldn't [stop]," wrote Cogar, "but she interrupted and stepped close to me saying, 'You COULD have. You just didn't WANT to. And consider this my protest.' She leaned in toward me and blew an extremely loud whistle full force in my face for at least 30 seconds. The noise caused pain in my ears; it was so loud and prolonged and I was stunned by it. After she stopped blasting me with the whistle she smiled and calmly walked off the coach.

"My ears were ringing and hurting. When police arrived, I was developing a headache and had difficulty hearing their questions. The headache continued into the next night at work and I still have ringing in my ears and my hearing has not returned to normal."

The report gives no indication that the whistling passenger was ever brought to justice—most Metro offenders aren't. Instead, Cogar had to take consolation in the fact that a supervisor probably read over her security incident report (SIR) before filing it away, where it was quickly buried under a mountain of new complaints. In the past 15 months, the county's bus drivers have filed 15,000 pages worth of SIRs, filling half a dozen cardboard boxes at Metro's downtown headquarters, comprising a repository of suffering and bruised pride that would bring Dostoyevsky to tears.

Metro buses are usually on time, the interiors clean, and the drivers typically polite. But unlike the nine other major cities that rank in the top 10 nationally for percentage of commuters who use public transit to get to work, buses are all Seattle's got.

Most of Metro's rules are common sense: You can't ride without paying. You can't drink alcohol. You can't whip your cock out in front of a stranger. Yet some passengers take these no-can-dos as God-given shalls: I shall ride a crowded bus with an odor that could fell a musk ox from 100 yards; I shall enter the bus by surmounting the bike rack and worming through the driver's window. I shall lay my dog across three seats and lose my shit when the driver asks me to move her so humans can sit down.

Unfortunately, drivers are all but powerless to prevent such forceful displays of willpower. If they get out of their seats, they risk being written up for violating Metro procedure. They can radio a private request to talk (PRTT) for help or, in life-threatening situations, hit their emergency activation (EA) switch—akin to a bank's silent alarm—to summon the cops, who may or may not come.

Last November, King County voters passed the "Transit Now" initiative, expanding Metro service up to 20 percent in the next decade. Hence, the amount of aggressive, psychotic, and bizarre behavior on Seattle buses is bound to skyrocket. A perusal of Metro's SIR stacks hints at what we're in for.

What follows is the city's first field guide to the bus system's worst offenders, complete with sightings excerpted from the SIRs and police reports. (SW has made minor edits for spelling and punctuation and to correct inconsistencies in tense, but has left the more charming grammatical errors intact.) Protect yourself by learning to differentiate the dangerous from the merely sketchy, as well as when and on what route they tend to prowl.

Under Metro rules, washers and soda are not acceptable forms of payment. But because they haven't paid a fare since Clinton was in office, some people believe they should under no circumstances have to pay a fare ever again.

7/31/06 9:25 a.m. #3:

3rd-time rider gets on along Jefferson or downtown—usually deboards at 19th or 23rd. Dresses well—white sweatshirt, red or black cap, blue (baggy) shorts (denim), expensive sneakers, black and red backpack. Always walks to front fanning his money...showing 20s, 10s, 5s [saying] "I don't have any change" and walks off.

10/7/06 4:47 p.m. #140:

Began growling as he entered bus at [Burien Transit Center] and deposited large handful of leaves. Continued growling and tearing up schedules (one by one) in rear of bus.

2/28/07 7:38 a.m. #180:

Once again Mr. Sparechange tried entering the coach, I was informed by passengers yesterday that he paid 50 cents. So today with a dollar bill in one hand (right) and a $5 in the other I informed him he owed a dollar for yesterday and the FULL!! fare for today and he blew his top. And after a small conversation he exited the coach saying something about my momma, who at 87 could still kick his ass.

11/13/06 6:31 p.m. #236: