A Lid for Every (Crack) Pot

Dear Dategirl,

I have a theory regarding men on Internet-dating sites and would like your feedback. I believe that even if one of these guys found Ms. Right, they would still be surfing the Web because they become addicted to the constant barrage of e-mails and the possibility of someone even more exciting than the next. The longer they participate, the harder it is to break the addiction.

In contrast, it appears that the women who join these sites get fed up after around three months and call it quits. I must admit I am one of the fed-up females.

To me, this get-them-hooked business is lucrative for folks like Dr. Phil and Dr. Neil Warren. Years go by, and the same guys are still looking for a "soul mate" (so they say). Ugh! Give me a break! Do you mean to tell me there is no one out there for these guys?

BTW, they're not that great. Have Seattle men become completely reliant on the Internet? What's your take on this?Fed Up

Funny you should mention eHarmony's creepy, covert proselytizer, Dr. Neil Warren, as his site is in the midst of being sued for its policy of discriminating against homosexuals. Happy Gay Pride month to you, Doc! WWJD? (Hint: Judy would be all-inclusive.) I hope you get booted out of business, but I'm betting that like most hypocrites, once your bottom line starts taking a hit, you'll rethink your questionable "Christian" ethics and let everyone join in. Then the gays, too, can slog through interminable questions about how often they attend church and whether or not they consider themselves deeply spiritual beings. Yawn.

Ah, but I digress. You're asking about boring breeder couples.

Well, Fed, if the number of snippy anti-online dating missives that regularly litter my inbox are any indicator, I'd say Seattleites are less likely to go looking for love online. While I'm firmly in the pro-online camp, I can certainly see your point; Internet dating does encourage the idea of disposable dating for the short-attention-spanned among us.

I remember a guy who would race home after each date to update his profile—I'd barely had time to rinse the spooge off my chin, and there he was, already out there e-scamming. As you might imagine, this was not exactly an ego booster of a relationship.

True, I did see many of the same faces, but after a while, I was one of them. It took a couple of years—and about a billion asshats and a few nice, but chemically inert, dates—before I finally met someone who seems like he's going to stick around for a while. I'm not saying the computer is the end-all, but it does expose you to people you wouldn't ordinarily stumble across in life. If you have a kink, it's nothing short of a godsend. Take, for instance, this guy I found on good ol' reliable Craigslist—where would he be without the Internet?

SEEKING TO DATE A FLATULENT WOMAN

Reply to: [redacted]

Date: 2007-06-12, 6:23PM EDT

I'm a 29-year-old single black male. I'm 6'0", muscular, dark brown in complexion. I love to fart. I would like to correspond with a sexy, single and attractive white woman, between 23 and 37 years old, with a big butt who farts a lot. [Someone who] farts more than the average person...farts long, loud, and smelly. I want a woman who considers herself a farter in every sense of the word.... Please keep in mind that the farting part is absolutely the most essential quality I'm looking for in a mate...for a wild, sexual relationship. I live in Philadelphia, but would be more than willing to do everything necessary to meet a woman who sees herself honestly reflected in this description. A very big butt is a plus.

If you don't fit this description, please do not e-mail me. If you're not serious and do not intend to respond if I write back, please don't e-mail me, because I'm 100% serious...I'm tired of getting e-mails from folks who pretend to fit the description, yet don't respond when I try to contact them.

Dating dilemmas? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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