I'm a girl who has almost everything going for me: a good job, a great sense of humor, lots of friends. . . . Except for one thing: I'm ugly. Always have been, and there really isn't anything that can be done about it short of plastic surgery. It doesn't really bother me, except that it does seem to take me off the dating market. My friends keep telling me I just need to find a guy who doesn't care about looks, and I say that they don't exist. So tell me, is it possible for a woman to be so ugly as to be undatable, regardless of any other positive qualities? Or are there men out there who really don't care about looks, as long as the inside is beautiful?Fugly Frieda
Have you ever been to a mall? Or Las Vegas? Any place where humans congregate will give you your answer—yes, indeedy, ugly folks not only date, they make out, get laid, and marry. Some of them even breed.
In the interest of science, I posed your query to my specially selected He-Man Focus Group. As we had no photo reference, we all agreed you are probably not nearly as hideous as you've been leading yourself to believe and should get over it already. While you're at it, you might want to find some new friends because yours sound like assholes.
Here's what the boys had to say:
In my varied life, the guys and buds who have been most "discriminating" of women were those who either later turned out to be gay or were extremely limited in the maleness (i.e., testosterone) department.—James
Perhaps she needs to work on her confidence, because admitting she's unboyfriendable is probably a problem of confidence. With the exception of Jocelyn Wildenstein, I've never seen a person I thought was too disgusting to ever date.—Rich
I'd like to say looks don't matter, personality comes first; but then again, (almost) every girl I've ever been with has been hot as balls.—Capt. J.
Guys dig pretty girls, but she may have certain standards of her own that may be making this more difficult. I mean, who is she gunning for? Brad Pitt or Danny DeVito? If she hasn't already tried, maybe lowering her standards could make a difference. —Wolfgang
Confidence is the biggest attractor there is. Not the false, pushy kind, but the sort that's real and deep. There are plenty of loveless attractive people, too, right?—Jon
If we are our own worst critics, she is probably not even that ugly. If she's smart, charismatic, has a good job, and has some sense of style, I'm sure some lonely-hearts doofus would love to date her. Also, please enlighten her on the virtues of 80-proof liquor and rock and roll bars.—Dave
I've seen enough horror movies to be able to say, "Yes, it is possible for a woman to be so ugly as to be undatable"—but that's in horror movies! Not real life! She's got to remember that "other positive qualities" need to include the willingness to party and put out. Adriana Lima and Jessica Alba can play coy and virginal because there are guys who would crawl naked over a mile of broken glass just to beat off on their shadows.—Ivan
While nearly all men would agree that Cindy Crawford or Petra Nemcova is beautiful, there is room for much debate as we move farther down the beauty chain. There is every chance that someone, somewhere, will find this reader beautiful. It only takes one.—Cliff
She's just gotta find an equally busted guy. How hard is that? And really, is any woman so nasty as to be "undatable"? That's quite a threshold to meet. Dudes will hit on Ruth Buzzi with a cleft palate if desperate enough.—Pablo
Plenty of people are ugly. So she'll never get with Brad Pitt, but who cares—Brad Pitt is a jackhole. A lot of women think Steve Buscemi is sexy when I think he looks like Ren, the Chihuahua from The Ren and Stimpy Show.—Rev. Spyro
I have a friend who, by other people's standards, is extremely ugly, but I'd do her in a minute. She has a luminously brilliant mind and an infectious sense of humor. So, no, I don't have a problem with "ugly" women if they prove to be exceptional people.—D
More than once, my sexy friend Sheila has said to me, "You think all women are cute." To which I reply, "Only until they prove to me they're not."—Michael
A cool girl with her own money and a sense of humor should never lack dates in this world. Didn't she ever see the movie Mask? Love may not be blind, but it is horny.—Alex
Dating dilemmas? Write Dategirl at email@example.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.