This Week's Horoscope

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

Forget explanations, excuses, or apologies, even if they're what's being requested of you. What the person you've slighted really wants is something else: the tiniest piece of your heart. A confession of emotion would be perfect, if it's genuine. Don't bother explaining all the mitigating factors, your good intentions, accidental circumstances, and so on. Even if they're technically accurate, your aim is to make someone feel better (or at least stop being so mad at you), so that shit won't carry much weight. Try a simple, sincere "I love you" instead. I bet it will do the trick better than any excuse (no matter how good) ever could.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

Some people respond to stress by becoming bitchy, irritable, selfish, and demanding. Ultimately, that's a forgivable and understandable offense, but automatically switching into crap-on-everyone mode when something shitty happens isn't really the best scenario. The next time you're stressed out, don't dump on everyone around you and then demand they forgive you for it. They would absolve you, and love you regardless, but imagine how much more they'd adore you if you managed to respond to misery-inducing situations with serenity, and asked for their help without rudeness or self-indulgent whining.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

Don't let your generosity get the best of you. By that I don't mean look out for yourself; I mean, ironically, look out for others. Sometimes they don't want or need your help, and what they especially don't need is to feel guilty for not accepting it once you've offered it. No one questions that your heart's in the right place in suggesting you could help out. However, try not to take it personally when someone can't or won't accept your aid. They have their own reasons for refusing, and chances are, those have nothing to do with you. The next time you offer help, make sure you snip any attached strings first.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

This week you might discover a big, heavy safe, like the kind found in a bank or a crime kingpin's secret back room, in the middle of your hallway. The immovable thing is practically taunting you, not only with its inconvenient location, but also with the possibility of immense riches being held within. Of course, I'm talking figuratively rather than literally. The "safe" is probably a person who is simultaneously an obstacle, a mystery, and a possible source of hidden treasure. Luckily, this week is also quite likely to present you with a key, so even if you can't move the thing, at least you can find out what's inside it. Keep your eyes peeled.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

Proving someone stole a car, or even a credit card, is way easier than demonstrating they ripped off an idea. They can always say: "Hey, I just thought of the same thing at the same time!" Sometimes that's even the case. I also don't think over-the-top paranoid protection of our ideas is the way to go, especially in this day and age when a lot of cool art and music is being made by recycling and reinventing other people's creations. However, since getting credit for your brilliance (and other people's, when they copy you) is important to you right now, all I can suggest is making sure you document it in some way. Then, when someone tries to pass off your work as their own, you can nail them to the wall.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

I'm always astonished when I meet people who appear to utterly lack noble aspirations. I'm not suggesting that we should all necessarily dream of "saving the world" (although it'd be nice if we did), but I'm depressed when someone can't even imagine herself outside of the impossibly tiny, dull, limited bubble she calls reality, and doesn't hope for anything better for herself than a decent-sized TV and clothes that don't make her ass look big. I know you're not guilty of not having big dreams, Libra. Lately, however, you may have your let your pettiest aspirations eclipse your more noble ones. Remedy that this week, won't you?

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

The worst mistake you could commit is expecting reason, logic, and calm to prevail in someone who's rarely displayed these qualities before. Not that you should go into the situation with your dukes up, ready for a smackdown (that would surely invite disaster). Give them a chance to act like a mature human being, but should they fall short of that admirable goal, don't freak out. One of you needs to remain mature, and that means you. Wield your infamous tough love and gracefully fix this, without taking any shit. You've got the power to make this all OK—for everyone, not just yourself. Please use it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

Hunters and environmentalists often come from quite different sociopolitical brackets and tend to disagree on many, many issues. However, when it comes to conserving parklands and wilderness, they're suddenly on the same page, if for different reasons. Most of those people are willing to gratefully accept help from wherever they can get it, and you should be, too, this week. Within reason, accept aid from whoever proffers it, whatever their motives. You'll probably be surprised who steps up to help you out, and who doesn't, and why. Worry about the specifics later. For now, get done what needs to get done, and sort out the whys and hows when the dust settles.