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Ask an Uptight Seattleite

My coworker wants to listen to Warm 106.9.

Dear Uptight Seattleite,

I work in an office and the admin in the next cube is always listening to Warm 106.9, the soft rock station. What's wrong with people?

Music Fan

Dear Fan,

I know exactly what you mean. Even at this graphic design studio I'm at, everyone's pretty cool, but we've got this one guy, whenever it's his turn with the station, we have to listen to KNDD 107.7 The End. So that's, like, two hours without KEXP. It's like, yeah, let's listen to some more grunge. I mean, it's pretty hard to concentrate on doing some really breakthrough, scalable CRM-packaging customization when you've got this corporate Soul Asylum crap stinking up the cube.

I was at the Comet the other night with Chris, having my "white trash classic" (Jack and Coke!). Which is totally fucking weird, by the way. Liquor at the Comet. It's like a seismic shift in the whole fabric of the cosmos. It's like pizza at McDonald's. No, I mean it. It's amazing. So anyway, Chris was telling me that John in the Morning did this big hilarious takeoff on commercial radio this week. How they play the same shit over and over. The same fucking playlist every day. It's like, without KEXP, we'd be this small-minded musical wasteland. No indie rock. No electronica. No indie rock. What's sad is there are all these people out there who can't even think for themselves. They've never even heard KEXP. They think the "Song of the Day" podcast is something you get from VH-1.

I'm your basic twentysomething hip 'n conscientious Seattleite. My problem: Should I MySpace or not? Some of my friends scoff at it, while others have jumped in. I fear I might miss out on something great if I eschew MySpace, but also fear getting involved with something that might at any moment become hopelessly uncool. What do you think?

My Conundrum

Dear Conundrum,

I'm afraid it's a little too late to be worrying about this, drummer girl. I mean, why don't you just hook up with Friendster on the rebound? I shouldn't even be giving you this URL, but Grautin.com is pretty much where everyone I know with any sense is posting. It's all about potatoes. But in a Dave Eggers kind of way. Nobody's saying stuff like "I loved your show!!" Totally grassroots site, and the profits don't go to Rupert Murdoch or shit like that but to a Cap Hill program to give old Metro driver zip-up jackets to disadvantaged youth. Check it out.

Have a question for the Uptight Seattleite? Send it to uptight@seattleweekly.com.

 
  • Jt 07/13/2009 12:20:00 PM

    A logging camp in the Pacific Northwest that made some money selling camping gear to idiots fighting for the chance to freeze/starve to death while looking for gold in the Yukon. It then became a logging camp with airplanes and progressed to a logging camp with airplanes and computers. Now it is a logging camp with airplanes, computers, and the biggest collection of snobs, posers, and self righteous assholes of every persuasion ever assembled. Its residents espouse a particularly aggressive type of unpretentiousness that succeeds in setting new human performance benchmarks for pretension. Almost no one there is from there. All of its adult residents diffused there down a steep identity gradient toward a place where they thought they could find, buy, import, hire, or outsource an identity of their own. By the way, how�s that going for you so far? Maybe a few more Frank Gehry scrap piles masquerading as buildings will help. Most of their time is occupied by lecturing less fortunate citizens of this country on how much better everything in Seattle is than in any other place on earth. This leads to obsessive comparing of themselves and their utopia to cities with actual histories and cultural identities, such as: New York, Boston, San Francisco, Tacoma, etc. This delusional herd of �enlightened and beautiful� people exult in, not suffer from, a collective, and well founded inferiority complex. Speaking of being lectured to by these uberwankers, just try and bring up a hobby or interest of yours without having it spelled out for you in a smarmy, condescending tone how the lecturer has pursued that hobby or interest to the most extreme ends humanly possible and how your own pathetic dabbling fails to so much as amuse them. (Try mentioning hiking or some other outdoor activity and watch the fun!) It also has great scenery, weather (despite what you�ve heard), and coffee, none of which make it worth the effort of trying to live there. (unless you�re filthy rich as are way too many residents) In our lifetime, a humongous earthquake will shake the entire heap of coffee grounds, bicycles, Frank Gehry buildings, ecofascists and wankers into Puget Sound, an act not unlike the flushing of the toilet of almighty God. I�ll miss the space needle, but not the people in it.

 

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