Horoscope

Dec. 6–12, 2006

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

This week you may discover how astoundingly quickly something can snowball out of control. Your good idea can spread virally and grow larger than you intended, more swiftly than you imagined possible. It's amazing, and I can imagine it's a bit daunting, but please don't forget that this is your idea. Let's assume that you believe in it and are willing to follow it through. The question is whether or not you can. Will you ride this fantastical beast you've helped create, or will it get away from you and roll off into the distance without you?

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

We know you have remarkable follow-through and persistence. What's less impressive is your stubbornness, which doesn't serve you quite as well. Sticking to your guns is all very well and good—when you're actually right. When you're wrong, though, it just hurts you and everyone around you; because no one can mount a significant challenge to your obstinacy, you may wallow in your wrongness for months or years. You privately know, however, that you might not be as right as you pretend. It doesn't matter how long you've been maintaining this shitty, untenable position. Backing down now will win you allies and respect, not the shame or humiliation you're predicting, dreading, and trying to avoid.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

You're boring me, Aquarius. Why do you insist on keeping whatever cool shit you've discovered to yourself? It's doing your discovery and us a disservice. Yeah, by sharing your find with the world it will dilute its coolness factor, but so what? We count on you Water Bearers to keep exploring new frontiers on every level, be it music, spirituality, science, or even business. Don't be lazy and rely on your past (impressive) accomplishments. Your job is to stay on the cutting edge of whatever it is you're interested in and keep finding new territory to explore there. Please, this week: Do your job.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

Pisces are natural talents. When a Pisces becomes an actor, for example, they usually have some weird X factor that means they're compelling even when they're not especially well trained (or even good). Whatever you put your hand to, you're virtually guaranteed that it won't be an utter failure—unless you sabotage it yourself (which is, unfortunately, something you're occasionally prone to do). Your hesitation to dive into your recently discovered interest(s) implies to me that you're totally unaware that you're certain to get something out of it and produce something worthwhile. Now that you know that, will you stop hemming and hawing and just get going?

Aries (March 21–April 19)

Go out a lot this week. Use any excuse you can make up to get out of the house. Downtime's a waste, given how likely it is that good things will happen to you if you put yourself in a position for them to occur. What form will these exciting opportunities and events take? I haven't the foggiest; they could run the gamut from running into a long-lost friend, stumbling upon an unsought but fantastic opportunity, or finally being able to open the door to a long-overdue flirtation or courtship. All I can suggest is covering all your bases. Do lots of different things, as many as you can think of. Some of them are virtually guaranteed to work out brilliantly.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

You're not stupid; you just feel that thick and oblivious at times. Really, who cares that you're not always clued in to the newest fads or water cooler topics? They're not as important as the stuff you usually have on your mind. However, it can be awfully fun to be leading the conversation rather than limping along behind, gathering scraps of information (or sneaking off to Wikipedia to get caught up). This week, you're about as current as can be about what everyone's going to want to talk about. Grab that spotlight, since you can. You'll probably surprise yourself with how much you enjoy it.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

I dreamed you spent years living inside a cheesy karaoke bar. At first, you were horrified and miserable. You did everything you could—in vain, naturally—to block out the terrible singing of horrific songs that plagued you day in and day out. After a while, however, you learned to laugh at it most of the time, instead of suffering from it or being irritated by it. Eventually, you were even able to tune it out completely. My point? You can get used to anything. You might even be able to enjoy getting used to it, if you try.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

Sometimes you choose incredibly backward strategies to get what you want. I swear, I wouldn't exactly be surprised if you announced tomorrow that you were planning to lose weight by going on an "all butter diet." Is it subconscious self-sabotage that compels you to do exactly the opposite of what would actually achieve your desired result? I suspect so, by the way you act bewildered when those sticks of butter translate into thunder thighs and a huge ass. Be coldly rational about your choices this week. What do you really want? Is your current strategy even remotely likely to be helpful? Probably not. Consider doing an about-face and heading in an entirely new direction. I suspect you'll get a lot closer to your destination that way.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

It's your ego, of course, that makes you so powerful and radiant. Confidence goes a long way in this world. If you believe you can do it— as you so often do—that usually translates to actually being able to do it. It's kind of like a superpower. But it's also your kryptonite, my dear—especially when it comes to relationships. It's almost impossible for a well-balanced potential partner to make you feel as special as you wish they would. This is not to say you should settle for any old creep who'll sleep with you—only that your ego needs are probably just a bit too demanding. Chill out a bit, won't you, and cut your lover some slack. Fish for compliments elsewhere if you need them that bad.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

Virgos are generally either asexual or kinky as all get-out. It depends on whether you're currently channeling any of that abundant energy of yours into your sex life. You're very adept at redirecting that energy into other arenas, and some Virgos are practically virginal for years at a time because they're too busy with other concerns. When you find someone who compels you to unlock that part of your psyche, however, watch out—you can even give Scorpios a run for their money. This week's likely to screw with whatever arrangement you've made with your libido. If you don't freak out, you might end up with one that's a lot more fun.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

I have often wondered how to cure Librans of their frequent obsession with normalcy (or at least its appearance), because when they embrace and celebrate their creative freakhood, they can be the coolest people around. Until they do, however, they're often the lamest and most boring (even though they think they're the life of the party). This is why Libras are usually my favorite and least-favorite people, depending on how deeply they've developed and explored their own individuality. How free are you from the tyranny of being normal? I think you could be just that little bit freer. This week, try.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

Librans may have the choice whether or not to embrace their idiosyncrasies, but not so Scorpios. Your freak flag flies whether you like it or not. Thus you have very little choice about when people discover your quirks, kinks, and tragic flaws. This is both a good and a bad thing. It eliminates the need for you to pretend to be anything other than what you are, but it's also quite a shock to those who aren't used to encountering someone's intensities all at once. You're used to the occasional freak-out, but this week reactions to your eccentricities are likely to surprise even you.

 
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