Our 'Best' Prizewinners

Best local radio station for music

"KRAP (109.4) Home of Kraprock— Supertramp, Eagles, Meetwood Flack, Stones, and a bunch of other krap you've already heard at least 9,000 (frickin') times."

Best morning radio show

"Morning? What's a morning?"

Best local TV personality

"Shouldn't TV be excluded from "Best" anything?

"There are none."

"Who thought I would miss Wayne Cody?"

"They have personalities? Please!"

Best daily newspaper

"The Seattle Nosepicker or The Seattle Rag (your choice)."

"They are both full of shit and gossip."

"Yeah, right . . . "

"You gotta be kidding."

Best local religious leader

"Coffee."

"Amazon.com."

"Elvis."

"Fuck that!"

"Heyyyyzus."

"Jesus—and we'll kill anybody who says different because, well, that's what Jesus'd do."

"Oxymoron—they're all evil, they're all nuts, if you ask me."

"Your inner guru."

Best local politician

"Satan."

"Uhhh, local politician? In this town? Hadn't noticed there were any."

Best activist/hell-raiser

" . . . The angry guy who yells in a foreign language in front of Nordstrom."

Best local celebrity

"The homeless person that directs traffic by Four Columns Park with paint rollers in her/his hair."

Best Local Cause

"Banning dog parks."

"Mayor's environmentalism."

"FareStart."

"Saving Seattle schools."

"NW Harvest."

"Dances of Universal Peace."

"Geese relocation."

"Union Gospel Mission."

"Feed Greg Nickels!"

"More condos!"

"Renewable energy."

"Powerful Voices."

"Organic food, co-ops."

"Daylighting Thornton Creek."

"Clean up Puget Sound"

"Gay City Health Project."

"Chillin' out."

"Hemp Fest."

"Medical marijuana."

"Keeping conservatives out of power."

"The guy riding down Broadway on his bike warning about global warming."

Best local scandal

"Allentown."

"Harry Potter dating both of the Smoosh girls . . . or whatever."

"Mayor Nickels uses taxpayer dollars each day to promote . . . who else? Mayor Nickels. Why hasn't any news source looked into this?"

"Men wanting to stand up for themselves."

"The man, the horse: Enumclaw."

Best place to work

"From home on my couch after I win the lottery."

"For a Jewish org.—more holidays!"

Best Viaduct solution

"Animals take back the waterfront."

"10,000 pounds of TNT."

"Bike lanes."

"Dirigibles or a floating bridge."

" . . . Duct tape it, then spray paint it blue, attach glitter, call it Skyway."

"Evel Knievel–style jumps over downtown."

"Viaduct is the most beautiful drive. What idiot wants to drive in a dark, damp tunnel?"

"Get a big-budget action movie (I'm thinking Michael Bay) to blow it up for the mother of all car chases."

"Hovercrafts."

"Jetpacks."

"Let's all just swim around."

"Magic."

"Sell pieces of it as souvenirs, like the Berlin Wall."

"Teleport."

Best Happy Hour

"Ask my mom, she's done extensive research."

Best specialty cocktail

"BEER!"

Best gay bar

"Dekker's apartment."

Best bartender

"The one pouring my beer."

Best local microbrew

"My friend Ben Doty makes some deeelicious home brew."

Best independent coffeehouse

"The independently owned and operated Starbucks directly across the street from wherever you happen to be standing in the three-county area. Why even ask this question?"

Best chef

"Me."

Best restaurant for a last date

"NONE—don't do it in public!"

"Your own couch."

"I'm not buying her dinner to break up with her. There's the door!"

Best splurge

"Shoes."

"Coldstone Creamery."

"Both Math and Physics Club LPs."

"Good scotch."

"Little doughnuts fresh at Pike Place Market."

"Thirty percent off all used stuff in the west end on Saturdays at the downtown Goodwill."

"There's a tank for sale on Amazon."

"Trip to Maui in February."

"Ummelina Day Spa."

"Housecleaning service."

Best downtown breakfast

"Why downtown? The best breakfast is Vera's in Ballard."

Best Local Performing Artist

"'We have no art, we do everything the best we can' (Balinese saying)."

Best Free Activity

"Bike trail from Tukwila-Algona, just great!"

"The gov't locks and fish ladder."

"Folklife."

"Playing in fountain at Seattle Center."

"The Frye Museum."

"Downtown library."

Best reason to emigrate

"Avoid incoming Californians."

"Death."

"Microsoft."

"To get away from George Bush."

"Congestion."

"Smoking ban."

"Real-estate prices."

"The people here."

"Panhandlers."

"Hemp Fest."

"Survival."

"Homeless people."

"Jobs."

"Not enough good theater."

Best Place to pretend You're not in Seattle

"Any golf course."

"None—Why?"

"Triple Door."

"Cafe Septieme."

"Arboretum."

"Ravines on north slope of West Seattle."

"Chinatown."

"Movie theaters."

"UW campus in March; cherry trees in bloom."

"Havana on Pike Street."

"Ballard, yah sure you betcha."

"The crêpe place in Seattle."

"My apartment."

"Looking out into the courtyard from La Fontana's."

"Seattle Asian Art Museum."

"Club Chocolate City."

"Little Red Hen in Green Lake."

"New housing area near me with Cal.-style houses and palm trees . . . "

"Carkeek Park."

"Kubota Gardens."

"Hawaii General Store: It always seems sunny there no matter how gray and rainy the weather is."

"Pyramid's outdoor beer garden before a game when the Boston Red Sox are in town."

Best New Thing

"Peso's breakfast . . . Most authentic Mexican breakfast I've ever eaten, except at mom's."

"Kids shop in Post Alley: Boston Street Baby."

"The newly remodeled bathhouse at Golden Gardens."

"Top Pot on Fifth Avenue."

"Wayward Cafe in the U District."

"Delicious Planet (delivered meals.)"

"Reading room on top floor of Suzzallo Library (seems like Ivy League)."

"$1.25 bus from the airport to downtown, transfer all the way to Everett if necessary. Wow."

"Lookout platform in Columbia Center."