Tidying Up

I need a quick answer to something. Is it bad to accept jobs from ex-boyfriends that include seminude housecleaning while I'm in a loving, "normal" relationship? I'm broke, need cash fast, and haven't been with this person for years, but we've stayed friends. My current boyfriend is pretty liberal-minded and seems to love me unconditionally, but I'm afraid to tell him or follow through with this. There would be no hanky-panky, just some voyeurism. I'm not a skank, and I don't want to piss anyone off, but it's almost too tempting. Help!!

Betty Brokeass

I wasn't quite sure how to answer this question, so I called my Special Naked Friend at work to get his take:

(Ring. Ring.)

—Hello?

—Hi Cuddlebunny, an ex-boyfriend wants to hire me to do nude housecleaning. I won't have to fuck him or even lick his peeper. Is that OK with you?

—WHAT?!? ARE YOU KIDDING?!?

(BF is a bit of a yeller.)

—Just answer the question; do you mind if I clean Pookie's house butt naked?

(Silence.)

—How much is he offering?

—WHAT?!?

(I'm also a bit of a yeller.)

—I'd really like us to be able to afford Brazil this year.

(Click.)

So you see, your boyfriend might be as mercenary as mine and be perfectly willing to pimp your ass out if it means airplane tickets. But there's only one way to find out, and that's to ask. (While I normally don't recommend that women ask the men in their lives if a career move would be "OK," I feel in the interest of preserving the relationship, this employment opportunity should be handled with a modicum more sensitivity than usual.)

I wrote you quite a while ago about possibly doing free housework for you. I'm also available as a chauffeur, if that's of use to you. I have references, and I don't require anything in exchange for my services. My work would definitely impress you.

Human Ashtray

While it is tempting to let a strange man with such a captivating nom de plume come into my home and rifle through my most intimate possessions, I'm going to have to refuse. Perhaps Betty's ex would be interested in your services.

I've been alone for a while and finally met someone of interest. I feel attracted to him and have generally enjoyed our time together. Getting to know him has opened up a more relaxed, spirited, compassionate side to me. The problem is, I can't see myself with him long-term. He's kind of snobby, is opinionated about stuff he knows nothing about, and is really terrible avt telling jokes. These are just a few of the odd things that give me pause. Probably the worst is that he's unaware of how he comes across to others. I don't feel comfortable introducing him to my friends—not now and possibly not ever. I have trouble imagining myself with this guy as my long-term partner, which is what I'm looking for.

My question is, do I actually have to tell him that? We're in our 30s, and he's mentioned kids. He's basically said that he sees long-term potential. Can I just lay low and enjoy the ride, or should I be more up front about my feelings (yuck)?

Torn

What you're saying in a very roundabout way is that you've found a fuck buddy. No shame in that, and no reason to make it more than it is. There is no need to introduce your FB to your friends, nor are you under any obligation to laugh at his jokes. Your sole responsibility is to each other's genitals.

Unfortunately, karma dictates that you should gently let him know this is how you see your relationship. And by gently, I mean you should not share your personality critique with him. Just tell him this is where you're at right now, and give him the option of staying or leaving. Easy schmeasy.

Love life a mess? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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