I have some advice for you that you may not have thought of. What you and many other women should do to find a good one is try this method: Find a "nice guy" and get something started with him. Ask him out or just hang out (he is probably shy). Take your time and figure out what bothers him, then get him pissed off—you can probably do it without even trying. Then try to make it OK by talking about it, and if he can handle it and make up with you without smacking you around or some other horrible thing, then you'll see he could be a good catch.
You have to be careful to push him to the edge of rage and then bring him back. Just get a little tiff going, and then bring it back to nice. If he doesn't want to make up, then it wouldn't have worked out anyway. He'll just think you're a bitch—oh well. You might have to spend some time in the beginning being nice/dull and getting to know him for a while before you can pull this one off, but it is worth it. This one chick did it to me and probably didn't even realize what she was doing, but I learned some serious shit about women because of it. I hope this advice doesn't sound patronizing or anything; I just wanted to share my idea with you.
Dear Crazy Person Who Drank Too Much Eggnog,
There's a good reason I never thought of this advice—because it's terrible!
You are suggesting we take the old adage "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" to new—and nutty—heights. And while you are correct in assuming that I am capable of angering men without even trying, that's generally something I try to avoid. And people say we dames are crazy!
Let me get this straight—you're suggesting that to weed out the bad guys, potential felons, and sociopaths, we ladies should antagonize a seemingly nice fella into a rage, in order to determine that he's not a violent lunatic?
Um, OK, I see problems with this approach on several levels.
One, if someone I just met pissed me off, I'd walk away. Immediately. It wouldn't matter how cute he was or now enticing he smelled. Not only that, I would assume any man worth kissing on the pants would do the same. Therefore, if he were to stick around, I'd have no respect for him and nobody would end up getting laid anyway. It's a lose-lose situation.
Second, what if he is a nutter? What if your demented little test causes him to punch me in the head or key my (theoretical) car? What then? Do I wipe my brow and say "phew!" because I figured that out before the first date? I think not! Again, who wins? Certainly not my punched-in head or keyed-up car!
How about, instead, we just stick to trying to get to know a person and see how their behavior reveals itself over time? I know that's a whacked-out, time-consuming idea, but sometimes the old, boring methods are the most reliable.
Are women intimidated by good-looking men? I am one of these men. I don't get very much action at all, but I see plenty of scumbag, fat, and ugly guys with gorgeous women—and leaving the club with them, as well.
In a word, no. Women like attractive men just as much as men dig the foxy ladies. The difference is, certain (not all) men can overlook irritating shortcomings in a hot dame, much easier than we ladies can ignore the arrogant knuckleheadedness that the devilishly handsome far too often possess.
Me, I'd much rather wake up with a charming bald guy than some cocky jackass who happens to be blessed with six-pack abs. But I'm betting if you had a choice between banging a vapid model or a fun-having (but slightly chubby) librarian, you'd choose the model. We ladies can sense that.
So instead of blaming the female gender for being intimidated by your startlingly handsome outside, perhaps you should do a little work on your rather out-of-shape insides.
Do the work: Write Dategirl at email@example.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.