Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)
During the early 17th century in the Netherlands, tulips were the shit. A single bulb of a rare variety could command a year's salary. Anyone who was anyone needed the hottest tulips—even though they were far too valuable to plant and actually enjoy. This ridiculous economy finally collapsed in 1637, but something very much like it exists today—and you're supporting it with your misguided participation. By putting value on something that actually doesn't have much, you're deluding at least a couple people who can't afford to lose what they think they're gaining. Before you accidentally rob them of whatever self-esteem they have left, you'd better think of something worthwhile you can give them to compensate for what you're taking.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)
Everyone remembers how and when they met you. You make a striking first impression—for good or ill—every time. Usually, you manage to come off as the likable, optimistic, and friendly person you are; but if someone catches you during one of your rare bad moods or on an off day, you have a hell of a time burning off the nasty persona you've seared into their minds—assuming they even give you a chance. Hey, you can't do much about occasionally sinking into unsociable depths, but you can keep from drowning down there. All that's required, at least this week, is persistence. Attempt to prove to the one(s) you gave the wrong impression that that's not who you really are, and don't quit until you have.
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)
Here's the problem: You see a potential true love across a room. Your eyes lock, hearts pound—then you get nervous and look (or run!) away. Oh, shit. I feel for you, especially because sometimes this means you never see the person again, and consequently spend months (or years) wondering what might have been. That Missed Connection crap sucks. I can't retrain a lifetime of habit for you—but you can, and this is a good week to start. Don't fear intensity. It's exactly what you want, even if it's shocking and scary. When it presents itself, run toward it, for fuck's sake, not away.
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)
The first time you have sex is often painful, embarrassing, or both. But it generally gets easier and better as you go. This is true of a lot of other things, including the venture you've recently embarked upon. Don't dismiss it just because your first time sucked ass. Where would you be if you'd made the same decision about sex? It's one of those learning-curve situations. You just haven't gotten the hang of it yet. You'll see, it'll get better—so much so that pretty soon, if you persist, it'll be one of your favorite things.
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)
Right now I'm looking at a lovely hippie cliché: a VW bus painted with blue skies and bright yellow sunflowers. I wouldn't be surprised, however, if this was the sole abode of a Pisces CEO worth millions. You're all about these shocking contrasts lately, and while folks like me might take them in delighted stride, others are a little less resilient and are apt to be put off or frightened. Therefore, mystery's your ally this week. I'm not talking about lying or misleading anyone; just let your idiosyncrasies unfold slowly, instead of delivering them all in one electrifying surge.
Aries (March 21–April 19)
You possess a singularly focused energy that either inspires people or fills them with smug (deluded) feelings of superiority. It strikes some as laughably simplistic to charge straight ahead at full velocity like you do. But it fills others with awe. Why such polarized reactions, you wonder? Darling, to have people respond to you in a more moderate way, you've got to occupy some kind of middle ground, instead of living on the radical edges of whatever landscape you've chosen. But is that really what you want? Or might it be better to simply get used to people either loving or despising you, and leave it at that?
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
When you overcome your reluctance to venture out into the spotlight and potentially make a fool of yourself, you don't do it in half-measures. In fact, you're downright disappointed if you're not subsequently called out for an encore or three. That's your style; you might drag your feet on the way there, but once you're in, you're all in. Unfortunately, your unwillingness to leap without looking is causing angst and worry in someone you know and love—could you spare them a little reassurance? Make sure they get that you're just waiting to be certain or until you have no other choice, and that you may not do things quickly, but you also don't do them halfway.
Gemini (May 21–June 20)
You know what you need in your life right now? A Virgo. A Virgo will show up at your place, water the plants (all on the verge of death), wash the moldy dishes in the sink, open the windows, and generally help you get your shit together by taking care of all the stuff that was holding you back (without you knowing it). Chances are, you already have a Virgo in your life who's more than willing to do all this for you, if you just give her a chance. Go ahead; you need that kind of nurture and support at the moment. But don't forget: At some point you've got to give something back, or it's just not fair. I'm telling you, point blank, because the poor generous Virgo never will. Do right by her.
