Bi-fuddled

I'm a 28-year-old man with (I've been told) a lot going for me. I've never had a problem landing a girlfriend; in fact, it's been hard at times to stay out of a relationship. Someday, I'd like to find that special someone and have a family of my own.

But here's the catch: While I've never dated men, I've slept with a few and, frankly, enjoy being a guy's bitch every now and then. Physically, I am not as attracted to men, but I do occasionally enjoy a little flirtation and maybe a romp in the hay with a dude. I don't think I could only have sex with one woman the rest of my life, either. As you can imagine, this makes many straight women looking for a mate uncomfortable.

I don't want to live a lie or keep secrets. I believe you can be faithful and loyal to a partner while still having a physical relationship with another woman/man every so often. There is no double standard; I don't mind my female partner getting it on with another guy occasionally.

So here's the problem: Most of the girls I meet are really not down with my sexuality. I've looked online for bi girls, thinking they might relate to me, but other than our sex lives, we don't have much in common. On the surface, I'm your average nice guy. I don't want to base a relationship on finding someone accepting of my sexuality, but eventually I'm going to have to spill the beans.

Do I just have to give up the occasional reaming from a guy in order to have the family? Is monogamy something I'll grow into with age? Am I trying to have my cake and eat it, too?

Me

At the risk of offending every allegedly straight guy who's ever swished another dude's dick around in his mouth, I'm going to tell you that we breeder broads have every reason to be suspicious of the bi guy. Because most (not all) of the time, male bisexuality is just a brief, deeply conflicted stopover on the way to full-on gay. And before you get your manties in a bunch, I want to reiterate that I said most of the time. Not all.

So yes, most women are going to want to avoid getting emotionally entangled with someone whose sexuality seems ambiguous. Have you ever dated a closet case? I have. It's not fun.

Then again, the majority of ladies aren't going to be too wild about hooking up with a boyfriend/baby daddy who's going to occasionally step out with anyone of either gender. That doesn't mean you should lie about it. Sexual compatibility is an integral part of any sane relationship. Would I really put up with my man's habit of passive-aggressive backseat cooking ("shouldn't you use a little more pepper?" "oh . . . my mom uses the white onions") if I didn't know he was going to deliver the goods later? I don't think so.

There are chicks out there who will find your way of life extremely enticing. They're just fewer and farther between.

Dating is difficult. Finding a person you want to fuck and then hang and watch hockey with is rare, even when you're not shtupping outside conventional boundaries. That doesn't mean you should attempt to change your predilections; you just have to man up and accept the challenge.

Sure, some people do age into monogamy, but I think that's more a function of getting too old and tired to be constantly trawling for tail. Others become swingers and continue porking strangers well into their golden years (see also: The Lifestyle). The ironic thing about the "mainstream" swinging community (if you could call gang-banging grannies in leather slings "mainstream") is that it can be a tad homophobic. (Unless you're talkin' good ole American pie girl-on-girl action, [s]natch!)

But there are younger, more open-minded communities of orgy-partaking hipsters, and I would suggest you start looking there. Anyone with an Internet connection can track one of these parties down. I came across several in my research, but I'm not going to share them because I truly believe that the title of Perverted and Proud is one that must be earned. Good luck!

Dating difficulties? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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