Oct. 26-Nov. 1, 2005

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

People pretend at shit all the time. They pretend to know what they're talking about when they taste a wine; they imagine they're experts on politics, or world change, or morality. But most of them are dilettantes at best and self-deluding jackasses at worst. When you meet someone who really knows their shit, it's obvious—often because they're so cool and low-key about it. They don't need to pose or try too hard or even necessarily say anything. Why should they? They know what they know and how many other people get it (or don't) can't change that. You don't need to prove yourself, either, so don't bother trying—it just drags you down.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

What's a dynamic, open-minded explorer like you doing getting stuck in a routine? I'm not talking about your schedule, which is probably as wild and semi-unpredictable as it always was; I'm referring to your communication routines. You're used to getting your ideas across in certain ways, and because you're pretty articulate, you rarely (or never) use other methods. Well, this is a good week to try some new techniques because your usual means aren't working. Draw a picture, do some interpretive dance, stage an intervention. Do whatever it takes to convey what you have in mind, because it's just that important.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

This week could be a camel-back-breaking straw. Capricorns are generally pretty careful about taking too much on, so even though you're ambitious, you're also efficient and good at time management. In fact, the only way you get overloaded is by taking on the little shit that you can't easily say no to. You've got a full schedule, but then you're asked to do one more tiny thing, then another, and before you know it, you're in nervous-breakdown town. It's hard to feel OK about saying, "No, I actually can't pick up the dry cleaning," or, "I'm so ridiculously busy, I don't have time to meet for lunch." Nevertheless, given your present circumstances, that's probably what you ought to do.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

Pigs aren't as cuddly as dogs or cats, but they're just as smart; some say they're better at reasoning, recall, and problem solving than most human 3-year-olds. Aquarians are similar. At first glance, you aren't quite as malleable and adoring as your fellow Air signs, the Librans, or as vivacious and fun-loving as those zany Geminis; but if people take the time to look closer, you actually suit what they're looking for, most of the time, better than your flashier astrological cousins. The trick isn't increasing your flash factor; it's convincing people to stick around long enough to realize that they not only don't need that glam surface stuff, but they're better off without it.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

You may have as much anxiety as excitement regarding the long-anticipated events of this week, but I hope you focus consciously on the latter, not the former, because you actually have very little reason to be afraid and many thrilling possibilities to look forward to. In fact, the more positive and fearless you are in your approach, the more that'll be rewarded with exactly what you wish for and dream about. Smile, breathe deep, and stride boldly forward into the chaos of all that's going on this week. It'll be fun, really—as long as you let it be. Lose the fear. Enjoy the ride.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

Every Aries child's favorite phrase is a riff on "Just leave me alone!" The irony is you're among the most social creatures in the zodiac, and even though you can approach hermitlike solitude when you seek alone time, you absolutely need people whenever you're not in one of those brief phases. The problem with people is they often intrude when they're not welcome and are absent when you most desperately require them. Luckily, that's simply not the case this week. When you need your space, you'll have it. When you're ready to rejoin the party, it'll just be hitting its peak.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

Asian honeybees, when defending their hives against rapacious (and much larger) wasps, cook them to death. They surround the wasp with dozens of bees, vibrating to produce 113 degrees or more of heat. If it were just a handful of degrees warmer, they'd die themselves. Emulate their example. Sometimes you've got to take a tremendous risk to gain what you need or want. This is one of those times. If you're not willing to lay it all on the line, whatever you do risk won't be enough to accomplish whatever you want done. Are you willing to chance self-annihilation to achieve a beloved aspiration? How important is this goal to you, ultimately? Very important? Then prove it: Don't hold anything back.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

Last night I dreamed you had brain surgery— physicians gruesomely sawing through your skull and all. It was pretty horrible, but you were up and at 'em later that day, climbing the five flights to your apartment without help and grumbling about what a hassle it was. I interpreted it as an indication of your current ability to bounce back quickly from things that would lay others out for weeks. You're so flighty and distractible that people see you as a featherweight, without often noticing your quirky strength and resilience. This week, you'll have a chance to demonstrate just those qualities.