Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)
Being nitpicky could be your downfall this week. I know you want everything to be "just so," and you have some very good ideas about how things should play out, but you can't control everything; in fact, there's very little about this week's situations that you can control. Trying to whine, bitch, or issue commands to compel everything to conform to your liking will only make you appear anal, spoiled, and petty, on top of still not getting you what you want. I don't expect you to suddenly become a low-maintenance person overnight. Just turn the volume down, would you please?
Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)
Some people are incredibly eager to always leap onto the next big thing; they buy the newest, coolest gadgets as soon as they can afford them, watch the hip shows, wear trendy clothing, and so on. These people are almost never Scorpios. It's not that you're traditionalists or sticks-in-the-mud. It's just that you can't be bothered with that shit until it comes more naturally into your life. If it turns out a TV show is really good and you missed out, someone will buy you the DVD. And you look good in any old clothing without hardly trying (most people just want to tear it off, anyway). Lately you're more inclined to act more like the rest of us, but I wish you wouldn't. Just stay cool. Don't get swept up in any crazes that sweep past you this week. Not a one of them is worth it.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)
Your willingness to experiment has occasionally hurt people. It's the unfortunate fallout that comes of taking something on that you're not certain you're up for. But what else are you supposed to do? Sometimes the only way to figure out if you're into something is to try it. All you can do is be honest with those involved that it's just an experiment and it might not work out. That might not be enough to completely avoid bruised feelings, but it's all you can (and should) do. The alternative is not trying new stuff until you're absolutely certain that it's exactly the right thing for you. And how boring and pointless would that be?
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)
Admit it, you've been having more of an urge to be social and go out. Why have you dug your heels in so much and resisted it so adamantly? I know you tend to distrust these impulses, as they distract from your true priorities, but they're not as dangerous as you think. They're just your poor driven soul trying to create some balance in your life. I know you're putting off fun now so you can have more later, but you've got to practice having fun all along the way, or you won't know how to manage when you finally give yourself the freedom to really enjoy your life. Get out there and party a little this week. Consider it an investment in your happy future.
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)
Aquarians aren't usually big on the whole group identity thing. While you possess a strong sympathy for your fellow humans, there's something about defining yourself as part of a specific group that rubs you the wrong way. At the same time, you let yourself be subject to these periodic bouts of loneliness and isolation, the perfect cure for which is being part of some kind of community. I don't expect you to suddenly become a gleeful joiner, but you're also not going to ever be perfectly happy doing the hermit/loner thing. Find someplace where you belong, at least some of the time. It'll do you good.
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)
Sometimes it's all about the smell of a flower, a favorite television show, a smile from a stranger. Fuck, life might all be essentially meaningless and pointless and end in lightless oblivion. But that doesn't mean it can't be enjoyed. Maybe nothing ever amounts to anything. But there are millions of little things that don't need to amount to anything to be perfectly wonderful. When you're overburdened with existentialist ennui, try not to think or worry about all that big unknowable shit. Just focus on the simple meaningless stuff that doesn't need to be big.
Aries (March 21–April 19)
I could write anything in this space at the moment. I doubt you'll even have time to read this shit, because when the full moon hits your sign (as it does this week) you generally go nuts, and you're so all over the place that there's truly no predicting what you'll do or what kind of trouble you'll get into. So I have nothing really to add, except have a blast—as I'm sure you will—and try not to make too much of a mess that you'll have to clean up later. And don't forget to practice your time-tested philosophy at every turn: the more, the merrier.
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
You get it: You have different kinds of connections with different people, and it's best to just let the connection be what it is rather than impose something else on it. For instance, I rarely have great sex with Taureans—we just don't click that way—but we generally have a huge mutual respect for each other and no major personality conflicts. We're cut out to have easygoing friendships, not romances. Unfortunately someone in your life hasn't figured out this lesson yet, and they're pushing too hard in all the wrong directions. Gently steer them in the right direction, would you? I can't bear to watch yet another of their train wrecks.
