Aug. 3-9, 2005

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

You'd never guess that your friends and family have heard the bit about letting sleeping dogs lie, from the way they seem bound and determined to consistently disturb your attempts at rest this week. To their credit, they only want to give you a friendly pat or maybe a vigorously affectionate belly rub. Try not to snarl at them despite your surprise (and irritation). Be as gracious as you can, Leo, because nastiness won't deter them from bugging you; it'll just turn each tender cuddle and well-meant kiss to ice water and a kick in the ribs.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

I'd hate for you to start spouting dumb-ass, cheesy aphorisms like that bit about making lemonade from life's lemons. But you are going to have to try to find a way to sweeten the current mix, or you'll be left scowling at the sour taste in your mouth for months to come. The things that befall you this week aren't going to taste delicious on their own, or seem remotely desirable, to be absolutely honest. But looked at in the right way, and mixed with the right other ingredients, they don't have to actually be bad. In fact, like a perfect lemonade, if you find the right balance, they could be exactly the thing to satisfy (and refresh) you.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

Plants spread out their leaves like hands to catch as much sunlight as possible. They don't do it because it makes them beautiful or provides us with shade or offers cover for squirrels. It's purely a survival mechanism. If you were a plant, however, you'd be shriveled and half-dead, because you haven't made enough of an effort to catch the stuff that sustains you. You know what you need to do to get yourself fed. Spread out your leaves and thrive. Enjoy another side benefit, too: the gratitude of photographers awestruck by your beauty, picnicking lovers basking in your cool shadow, and cute, furry animals offering to stick their nuts in your holes.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

What would you do if I told you that no one would notice if you left the blocks for this particular race five seconds before the starting pistol went off? I hope you'd stay where you are and begin the sprint at the same time as everyone else. You don't need any artificial advantages at the moment, and things aren't so desperate and cutthroat that this kind of cheating is merited or necessary. Go on and win that race without handicapping the other players; that way you'll be able to look them in the eye when they shake your hand.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

You're the New York City cab drivers of the zodiac; you'll pick anyone up as long as they can pay the fare. And you're cheap, compared to drivers in most other places; anyone in possession of a good true story (or, occasionally, a very sweet ass) can afford it. Don't let anyone talk you into a different business or change the way you do things now—you're doing something that makes you happy, and you're good at it. So what if there's more money elsewhere? So what if you could be milking your current situation for more? Good stories (and sweet asses) have always been enough for you before. Don't let anyone else's judgment change that.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

Resist that whole fight-or-flight thing. It's hard to combat millennia of finely honed instinct, but those ancient impulses no longer serve you the way they once did. Right now, to survive and thrive, you need more than your monkey ancestry can give you, like cunning, reason, and wit. Doing battle or fleeing are both losing strategies. What about rounding up enough allies so that actual conflict is avoided (for fear of your forces' greater strength)? Perhaps your opponent could be felled with words (preferably over the phone, so fists can't get involved, no matter how heated things get). If worse comes to worst, don't run. Hide. Cache yourself underwater and suck air through a reed. Whoever's after you will pass you by soon.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

The fact that you're still having the same fight you had last year means you haven't changed enough. Never mind that whoever you're arguing with ought to change, as they're in the wrong. Never mind even that they should at least meet you halfway but haven't bothered. Those are all moot points, as they pertain to aspects of the situation that you have absolutely no power to affect and which aren't likely to change significantly any time soon. They won't yield or back off. In this particular case, it's up to you to do all the bending. That, or all the walking away.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

You have such a hard time with other people's expectations; they hang over you like a shroud, making everything fuzzy, muddled, slow. Sometimes it feels like it might be impossible to get out from under them. I get it—no one could live up to all the things people demand of you. But it's not an all-or-nothing situation. Your instincts scream: "Walk (or run) away!" But you'd only disappoint everyone. Take a step back, to be sure. There's actually a lot in that mess that you can handle. There's no way not to disappoint some or most of those making demands. So what? Fuck 'em. Pick and choose the things you can and want to do, and leave the rest—along with their associated guilt trips.