Cancer (June 21–July 22)
It never fails. Your birthday swings around, and for some perverse reason, everyone chooses this time of year to dump on you. Luckily, what they're dishing out now is dramatically different from what you've received in years past. The annual bitchfest is hereby redubbed a lovefest. Prepare to be showered with affection, praise, respect, and gifts. Bask in it, baby. Don't let waking up on the wrong side of the bed, or the one or two sour notes in the mix, ruin things for you. This is potentially as sweet as things get, so make sure you enjoy it.
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)
I sleep better during a storm. The rumble of thunder and the slapping stutter of a hard rain make me feel cozy and safe in my warm, dry bed. I'm lulled and comforted by all that ferocity just outside my window. Sometimes, when things are quiet, it's perversely difficult to find that kind of serenity. That's your problem this week. The tranquility that surrounds you only makes your most unpleasant thoughts louder by contrast. Not that you ought to endeavor to drown them out completely. However, immersing yourself in a bit more noise and activity, so they have to fight to be heard, may give you some perspective on how important (or not) they actually are.
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)
Who's your daddy? Where's your momma? These are vital questions for you this week; you need to get in touch with whoever embodies these energies in your life at the moment—whether they're your actual parents or not. It's important to check in with these sweet sources of authority, wisdom, and love every once in a while, especially for you Virgos, who can so easily get caught up in the bustle of life and forget what actually matters. You suck at reminding yourself about that important shit when you're this busy (which is almost always), so these guys have their work cut out for them. Luckily, they know it. Let them do their job. All you've got to do is show up and listen.
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)
Let someone else drive the car—literally and figuratively. This should be easy for you; you're no control freak. Just relax, close your eyes, and allow someone to steer. That's the easy part. Of course, the hard part is deciding just who that someone ought to be. Choose well; your next road trip is apt to be quite a long one. Don't select the exciting and handsome sprinter who's first on your list, despite the temptation. Instead, pick the guy or gal who's good for the long haul, in varied terrain, and who's more likely to be able to cope with your myriad moods, not just the one you're in at the moment.
Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)
Tossing your nets into the sea is an act of faith. Beyond choosing the right spots to let them loose, you have almost no control over what comes back. You might get some big fish, a desperate drowning dolphin, or a chunk of floating trash. In other words, don't count on being fed this week; spiritual nourishment is no more likely (or less likely) than a mess for you to clean up or a lost soul for you to help. The only way to avoid any of this—good or bad—is to keep your nets dry and not try to catch anything at all.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)
Throughout your life, you've struggled to choose between two potential responses to volatile situations: anger or magnanimous forgiveness. You're big enough (personalitywise, if not physically) to throw your weight around effectively, but you're also big enough (spiritually) to forgive and forget. This week's conundrum is a toss-up; you could really handle it either way, which is why it's so hard to decide which approach would be best. Allow me to help you choose. Instead of considering things just from your perspective, try to see what's best for the person at the heart of the problem. Would she or he benefit more from discipline or absolution? Now the answer's obvious, right?
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)
Your Sagittarian brethren may have the option of forgiving and forgetting, but you don't, at least not this week. When someone tries to walk all over you (or even hints that they might want to), nip that shit in the bud. You've got too much power and pride to serve as a doormat on any level right now. There are times when you're required to bend and compromise; this, however, isn't one of them. You're likely to lose it should a footprint mar the back of your shirt. And we know what happens when you snap: explosions, big ones. Relationship-leveling TNT. Avoid that kind of mess by standing straight and tall and declaring to all and sundry: You can't walk here. Go around.
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)
What am I supposed to do with you? You've developed a horribly annoying habit of ignoring advice lately (and not just mine). You know best, huh? Well, maybe that's true and maybe it's not. Only time will tell whether your way is really better than the highway. So you're not prepared to gamble on anything other than your own hunches. Fine. I may not know your best bet as well as you do, but I do know this: If you continue to ask for counsel and then not heed it, some of those whose words you spurn won't bother to offer them (or anything) next time around.
