Born Again Virgin

I've just started seeing a guy, and things seem to be going really well. He's sweet, funny, attractive and we get along well . . . the only problem is that he has strong religious beliefs and so he doesn't believe in sex before marriage.

Now it's not as if he hasn't had sex before (he has a kid) but he's all into God now and no longer believes sex should happen outside of marriage.

Don't get me wrong—I admire that he has beliefs that he feels strongly about, but I'm a girl with needs! Sure, we've just started dating but I'm not sure what to do because I really like him but is it stupid of me to invest time into a relationship with him knowing that I'm not going to be getting any? What should I do?

Deprived

You should sit Pious Pete down and tell him in no uncertain terms that as he's already had premarital sex, he's going to hell anyway. So since his one-way ticket to Hades is already bought and paid for, what's the big deal with giving you a piece? Stingy, stingy, stingy.

If I were in your pants, I'd run in the other direction. People who follow this kind of punitive, non-fun-haver god are problematic in a host of ways. These are the homemade-cross-toting lunatics who were shrieking outside Terry Schiavo's hospice room. You'll find them disrupting school-board meetings with long screeds about how wrongheaded those newfangled proponents of evolution are because everyone knows god made Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve), and that's how civilization began, damn it (only they wouldn't swear). These Holy Rollers are that most curious (and hypocritical) mix of antichoice, but pro–death penalty. Plus, have you ever actually listened to Christian rock? Yikes.

I'm not saying all religion is bad— Dategirl's down with the Golden Rule. It's just when zealots grab hold of it and twist their beliefs to justify all sorts of atrocious behavior, I get annoyed. Maybe your man isn't claiming gay marriage is evil (no, that'd be the pope!) or blaming 9/11 on the ACLU, pagans, and feminists (thanks, Jerry Falwell, feel better soon!), but last I checked, it was mostly the fanatics forgoing the fucking.

Back in high school, I had an extremely slutty friend who one day announced she'd found the lord. Sure, her new faith required this former agnostic to attend church services on a daily basis, but in return, the lord miraculously restored her virginal status. This was quite a trick given that by the 10th grade, her tattered hymen was a distant memory. This story doesn't really go anywhere, as her incessant proselytizing drove me and the rest of her old (sinner) friends away and she had to content herself with a batch of dreary Bible-thumpers.

What I'm saying is that if this guy is saying no to sex (up there with banishing food and water, in my book), his religion is a gigantic part of his life. Are you at all interested in jumping aboard the Jesus Bandwagon? Or perhaps you plan on marrying him within a week or two. If neither of these two options sound appealing, perhaps you should be looking for a more heathenish hunk.

You do realize that most likely one-third of your fat income comes from pedophiles. It's time to open up your eyes to the Real World, and get rid of your stupid bigoted sexism, and start to work for the betterment, and for the safety of children, rather than living in hatred and fear all your life.

It's Time to Get Real.

Anonymous

Dr. Phil, I told you to quit writing! I loathe your dopey show and I don't buy your silly-ass slogans, either. Now I hate pedophiles as much as the next gal, but I'm not going to "get real," nor am I going to concern myself with the betterment of these apocryphal children I keep hearing about. Janet Jackson's skanky bare nipple didn't hurt "the children," and I had to hear about it for a year

I don't know whose "fat income" you're referring to—my bank account is quite slim. Anorexic, even. Perhaps you've got me confused with your pal Oprah. Because the only thing fat about this girl is her bum. Harumph.

Really! Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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