The Long and Short of It

My loins are exploding. At every moment of every day, I'm aware that they haven't had serious action in over a year. My last romp was with my girlfriend of four years. Since then, I've dated a few people, but I just didn't like the women enough to keep it going. In the last few months, I've been in a state of transition—i.e., quitting my job, applying for graduate school, and moving back to my hometown.

Now I'm ready to date again. I think.

I am not an outgoing person. I tend to be more reserved and diplomatic in my nature. (Middle-child syndrome?) I consider myself above average in looks, but on the shorter side. I am extremely aware that not many women find someone under 5 foot 10 as attractive as someone taller. I hate the fact that I'm potentially creating my own problem by focusing on my height!

Oh yeah, another thing: I've never been dumped. I've always been the dumper. I definitely have a guard up when it comes to getting to know people, and I've been told I'm a very picky dater. (Is that such a bad thing?)

Do I just need a few key dating tips to get past my personal hang-ups? Or is my low self-esteem at play here?

Exploding Loins

Plenty of short guys get laid. Yes, it can be a disadvantage, but believe me, women are far more forgiving of, ahem, shortcomings than men are. I've met total schlubs who will pick apart the most perfect woman's body, pointing out any and all "flaws." You often see beastly men with out-of-their-league gorgeous women; how often do you see that in reverse? Never.

As for being picky—see what I mean? Listen, midge (and I mean that in only the kindest way), if you expect a lady to see past your diminutive stature, I suggest you quit being a hypocrite and let your standards "slip" a bit.

While you're doing that, I suggest you prepare yourself for the fact that along with nose hairs and death, getting dumped is an inevitability and you're dating on borrowed time. No need to get all worried about it, either. Having someone forcibly pull your heart out through your ass builds character.

Now quit overthinking things and get out there and get some.

I lust after really tall women. My fetish is so strong, I find myself asking potential dates if they're naturally 5 foot 11 or taller without any shoes on, or if their height measurements are "with shoes on." I like them that tall, standing barefoot, without any shoes on.

Maybe it's because I admire really long legs and the fantasy of being choked by a pair of feminine, white, silky-smooth legs really makes me stand up at attention!

Now, in my late 20s, I find myself lusting after tall women who I also hate because I think it's unfair that the guy always has to make the first move and the woman has the option to accept or reject the guy.

It sucks being a man sometimes. I say to all us short guys out there, it's our turn to avenge ourselves against tall women for not giving us their loving! I call upon you to band together, and the next time you are blown off by a tall vixen, go off on her, explaining how much balls it took for you to be honest and confront her, even if it meant dealing with rejection. Don't let them off scot-free! Yeah, we may be short, but if we were taller, we wouldn't appreciate your towering beauty like we do now! So there!

Low-Riding Lunatic

OK, so I made up your nom de plume, but really—whatup with all the nutty short guys today? Before you work your abbreviated brethren all up into a tizzy, why don't you focus on the real problem, which would be your rather demented personality. No offense, but most ladies (regardless of their height) don't find a fella who wants to be choked all that appealing. What you're seeking is a rare bird. A cuckoo, if you will.

Need a few small tips? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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