Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)
Use your words, Aquarius. Your unconventional means of communication aren't getting through. I know you'd like to convey your love through the way you play soccer, cook, or scrub toilets. But the people you want to reach aren't attuned to these kinds of subtleties at the moment. They'd like to believe that you scored that goal, made that quiche, or cleaned that bathroom just for them, but they're too easily dissuaded from having faith in these gestures by their own negative self-images. They need something a little less open to interpretation. Sorry, you can't shimmy out from under this one. You've got to simply say, "I love you."
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)
Fuck if you can remember the last place you put your keys, or whether you paid the phone bill, or how often you're supposed to water the plants or change the oil in your car. But you can recall exactly what your lover was wearing on the night you met, and the first three words ever said to you by your infant niece, and precisely how to make your grandmother's famous brownies. These are more important things, ultimately. You and I know this; it's too bad so many people around you think it's more vital to know where your house key's hiding. Clueing them in is hopeless. Just don't take their angst or criticism too seriously. You remember the important stuff; the rest will sort itself out.
Aries (March 21–April 19)
You'd like to stab your difficulties in the heart and kill them. It's a strategy that usually works for you. But you can't murder this problem, since it's a person, whose death by ice pick would certainly be noted and investigated. Therefore, you must pursue more subtle and less drastic policies and strategies this week. Unfortunately, your usual alternative to merely eliminating sources of hostility—fleeing from them—is also not currently viable. Yep, sorry: The only way you can resolve your current difficulty—that bastard pain in the ass—is to learn to live with him (or her).
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
Beware of inertia. Allow yourself to be moved too much or too quickly by the forces exerted on or around you, and you could end up moving in that direction miles further than you'd wished. These potshots were meant to momentarily deflate your ego, not send you flying willy-nilly in all directions like a sputtering balloon. Be immovable this week. Let's practice: Someone mentions your weight. Do you plunge into depression and gorge on doughnuts and ice cream? Or do you pursue a torturous diet for the next three months? Neither, I hope. The appropriate response is, probably, a nod (or the finger) and a swift change of subject.
Gemini (May 21–June 20)
My boyfriend will go to great lengths to rescue insects in distress. He's attuned to the suffering of tiny creatures in a way that perhaps only Jainists and hard-core vegans could identify with. Emulate him this week; there are those who could use your assistance, but they're broadcasting their need so subtly and quietly that you could miss it unless you're paying incredibly close attention. What are you waiting for? Get right down there with a magnifying glass and take a look at all the little shit going on in your life right now; that's where the action is.
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
You can do amazing things right now without even really trying. A snap of your fingers could have houses cleaned, banquets prepared, and red carpets rolled out, all for you. Mary Poppins you're not; these seemingly supernatural effects all stem from the incredible willingness of those around you. Be aware of that this week. Many people are busting their balls for you, both in the open and behind the scenes. Accept the help, since they're so eager to give it, but don't take it for granted. Be sure that every favor you receive is awarded its proper share of gratitude.
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)
You've been stepping over and around your own messes for weeks now. What a slob. I know how things get, though. You've got more pressing and important things to attend to than simply cleaning up after yourself. You even tried to be responsible, by deciding that by this week, at the very latest, you'd finally tidy up, do laundry, wash the dishes, and pay the bills. Think again. You forgot to take into account the Leo full moon on the 25th, which will have you hopping over piles of dirty clothing and neglecting the houseplants for at least seven more days.
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)
Fellow Virgo Anna Kingsford (one of the first female doctors in 19th-century Britain) violently opposed the practice of vivisection, and some prominent scientists who used it. She vowed to kill them with thought waves. When Dr. Claude Bernard died only a few weeks after she began her mental hexing, she became convinced she was the instrument of divine will. (She also claimed responsibility for the death of Paul Bert, another vivisector.) Please don't emulate her. Your convictions are generally smarter and "better" than most people's. But there's a difference between advocating your point of view and attempting to enforce it. This week (and, of course, in general), remember: The former's fine, but the latter's almost always a huge mistake.
