Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)
You claim to always choose truth over deception. What happens when the lies are beautiful— perhaps even harmless—and the truth is slightly less enchanting? Do you encourage kids to believe in Santa Claus, for example? How does that impair your credibility later, when they figure out the deceit? This week, you'll be faced with a choice like this: standing behind a lie that everyone wants to believe, and would, if you lent it your endorsement, or revealing the bald reality under the toupee, the man behind the curtain, the smoke and mirrors. Sadly, your options are less than appealing: incurring anger (and respect) by shattering people's cherished illusions, or accepting love for something that's simply not real. Tough one—good luck.
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)
You're an injured soccer goalie trying to block the potentially winning shot delivered by the opposing team's best player in the final seconds of the game. The pressure's on. Don't freak, though. Just try your best. However, face the facts— you're simply not likely to be able to save this one, unless you're incredibly lucky. That's just the way things happen sometimes. Don't spend the next few weeks kicking yourself (or letting anyone kick you) because you weren't able to do the impossible. Just shrug it off and get on with life. It's just a game, after all.
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)
A dancer was selected to manifest the glacial slowness of stone in an experimental group performance in which everyone attempted to embody different natural elements. For two months he practiced moving as slowly as he could, from a curled fetal position on the ground to simply standing, until it took him 45 minutes to complete the action. It was phenomenally difficult. You may discover something similar this week: Sprinting 200 miles in any direction (mentally, anyway) is easier than carefully and deliberately shifting your attitude two inches. In other words, it's simpler to practically become a completely different person than to create a minor but permanent change in who you are. You don't need an overhaul, though—just a tune-up. Take your time and do it right.
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)
We inhabit the places we live in with more than just our bodies. The spaces we're surrounded by influence our thoughts. What effects do flat surfaces, straight lines, and right angles wreak on our minds? How would we be different if everything around us was wavy, bumpy, or round? Pisces, especially, would benefit, since you are more restrained by harsh linearity than most. This week, see what you can do to make your environment less restrictive and square. Give yourself room to expand and flow. Transforming where you live and work might require extreme creativity. Luckily, that's part of the exercise.
Aries (March 21–April 19)
Don't mistake comic rhetoric for accurate information. Whether you get your fake news from Fox or Jon Stewart, please realize: Infotainment is no substitute for really knowing your shit. The truth is out there—these days you just have to dig a little to find it. It's just not going to be handed to you on a silver platter. Luckily, you don't have to shovel that deep—most of what you require can be found in your alt-weekly and on the Internet. Too many people would prefer you remain uninformed. This week, get the facts. You'll need them.
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
Last night I watched a Berlin-based drag-king brass band performing covers of old-school reggae hits, and I had to laugh. That's good stuff—watching a bunch of white German lesbians wearing fake mustaches and singing Bob Marley's best with good-hearted glee. They'd made a surprising choice, just as I wish you would. You could do what everyone expects you to do. You might even get paid for it. But would it really satisfy you (or anyone)? Probably not. Don't be predictable. Don't let people sum you up with: "She's so reliable." Make it, instead: "I can always rely on her to keep me guessing—and laughing."
Gemini (May 21–June 20)
You're a magician who sucks at misdirection. You're trying to enchant your audience by pulling colorful silk scarves from your mouth, but everyone's too busy thinking, "Um, that person's not wearing any pants." You actually have quite a few tricks up your sleeves, but no one cares because you've made what's missing all too obvious. Yeah, you're flawed, just like everybody is. The difference is, you pay too much attention to what's "wrong" with you. Consequently, we can't help but do the same. Perform a bit of prestidigitation on our collective perception this week. Focus on what's right. We will too.
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
There'll be no deus ex machina here. You won't find a magic talisman that'll save your ass. Nor will anyone swoop in to rescue you; in fact, those around you who might be in a position to help are more likely to kick you while you're down. You have many distant well-wishers at the moment, but no proximate helping hands. You're on your own. Luckily, you've been in (and escaped from) worse scrapes than this. The only thing keeping you from pulling yourself out is the forlorn hope that someone might help you do it. Now that I've shattered that useless wish, you should be able to pick yourself up and move on, no problem.
