Dec. 1-7, 2004

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

It's not exactly A Christmas Carol, but you ought to identify with Ebenezer this week anyway, as unlikely spirits provide you with an unsettling picture of an alternate reality—how things would be if you managed to truly become who you think you want to turn into. The weird thing is, you may not like what you see. Take these (possibly disturbing) visions to heart, and consider how your personal aspirations could affect the people around you and create unanticipated ripples in your life. You needn't turn aside completely from the evolutionary journey you embarked on a while back. But shifting a few degrees in either direction might mean the difference between finding paradise and getting completely lost.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

Love is the answer, you'll probably decide this week. That's because the planets have brewed up an intense dose of high-grade ecstasy for you. Call and visit everyone you know, just to tell them how much you adore them. Sure, you'll get funny looks—someone might even be concerned enough to slip you the number to the suicide hot line—but so what? Most people will be pleasantly surprised (beneath their initial discomfort) to receive this kind of effusiveness from you. Don't miss this chance to spill your guts and wax poetic, because who knows when your next one might be?

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

Politics should not be emotional. Running the government ought to be strictly a pencil-pushing, get-things-done affair, not this epic battle over ideas. It's because people can't separate their emotions from their politics that Bush got re-elected—without unreasoning fear and blind faith, he wouldn't have stood a chance. This week, don't let your practical head stuff get too intermixed with all the sloppy, illogical heart stuff. There are times when it's good to let one influence the other, to revel in the gorgeous mess that usually results. But this ain't one of them. Keep your brain's business and your soul's passions as separate as church and state are supposed to be in the White House.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

Unrealistic romance is the name of the game this weekend. This ain't a bad thing. By all means, indulge yourself with soft lighting and long, soul-melting staring matches. Don't read too much into it, though; enjoy the moments thoroughly, but resist the urge to make promises that may wither under the harsh fluorescents of the coming week. If, by next Thursday, you're still feeling the way you did while pouring red wine down each others' throats on the candlelit bearskin hearth rug, then swear eternal fealty, endless adoration, or whatever feels right—but not before.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

You may rack your brain this week, trying to recall if you've recently eaten oysters, or somehow consumed powdered rhinoceros horn. You'll probably want to come up with some explanation for this off-the-hook horniness. Stop looking suspiciously around the office trying to figure out who slipped Viagra into your morning coffee. It's actually just you (and the naughty planetary influences you're subject to). Indulge your lascivious urges. Why not? If you don't currently have a regular lover or fuck bud, there's nothing wrong with a long weekend of self-pleasure or a well-handled, no illusions one-night stand.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

The unrequited love thing is so tired and boring. Please resist falling into that trap (again). It's going to be yawning open for you this week, thanks to some crap that's going on in the stars. Generally mistrust any attractions that spring up (or dramatically intensify) this week. They're probably fucked: Either your blossoming crush is focused on someone you secretly know you can't have, or it has nothing to do with the actual person—it's all about what you're projecting onto her or him. Neither should you abandon these feelings. They could be real. They might even have long-term potential. My point is that there's no way to know just now. Wait it out. You'll know in two weeks' time whether this is something to jump at, or run away from.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

Announcing that you've changed your mind about something won't raise many eyebrows; you're notoriously flexible about your ideas and opinions. However, trying to force your brand-new viewpoint on others will shock (and likely offend) those you subject your zealotry to—not only because it's completely out of character, but also because it's in bad taste. Oh, you know that this time you're right, probably more right than you've ever been, but still—let it settle for a while before you go spreading the good word. Now you just seem brainwashed and culty. In a couple of weeks or months, you'll seem either bat-shit crazy—or 100 percent right.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

Cancers, as a tribe, have a special mix of down- to-earth practicality and whacked-out emotions that can lead to some fascinating and brilliant innovations, along with many, many messes (which have their own appeal). The trouble is, you rarely deliberately apply this combination to anything outside yourself (like, say, designing a new piece of playground equipment or coming up with an effective way to protest the government), so people almost never get a glimpse of this cool brand of creativity. This week, escape your own fascinating but limited inner world and bring your faculties to bear on situations that will actually tangibly affect other people (preferably in a positive way).