Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)
This week is going to suck. Not because anything bad will happen, per se. Quite the opposite; some very sweet things are likely to head your way. It'll suck, rather, because the glare of the spotlight has already begun to seem too intense. You're blistering under all this adoring attention—which lately resembles obsessive scrutiny—and there's no escaping it, at least until the sun retreats into Virgo at the very end of the week. Until that relief arrives, hang in there. Slather on some psychic sunblock, because it's high noon of notoriety for one more week.
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)
Your first instinct is to swat at the buzzing insect the moment it comes within reach, before you've even had a chance to assess whether it's actually a threat. That's silly. Certainly notice it, and pay attention to what kind of bug it is and what it's up to. If it merits killing by your standards, destroy it regretfully or with glee, whichever works. But notice that a lot of the little critters buzzing around you are nothing more than annoying—and some of them might even be beneficial. The same, naturally, is even more true of the human pests flitting around bothering you. Some of them could be doing you more good than harm; consider that before unilaterally squashing all of them.
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)
Gingerly peel off your clothing after today's bad sunburn. Take a cool bath. Smear yourself with aloe (or better yet, get somebody to tenderly do it for you). You've been overexposed to a normally beneficent influence, and you got burned. Now you've got to deal with that—mostly by staying away from that scorching entity, which you're currently ultrasensitized to. If you can manage to keep your distance for a week or so, you should be all right; your skin may not even peel. If, however, you can't logistically excuse yourself from the nuclear asshole who did this to you, do your best to insulate yourself, prepare to lose at least your outer skin, and hang on 'til next week, when some cloud cover should help you out.
Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)
Pluto, your ruling planet—a distant, surly, and slow-moving (from our perspective, anyway) ball of ice—is about to reverse direction and start going forward again, for the first time since late last winter. You probably won't even notice—your filters are stronger than Pluto's astrological influence; that is, if you're determined to see things as bad or good, the subtle differences about to occur won't change that. What I'm driving at is that if you're immune to this faint sway (which is actually going to make things slightly easier, or more simple), what other delicate (yet important) nuances and signals might you be missing? Look around and see if you can pick them up.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)
When you were a kid, you were so proud when Mom mounted your drawings on the fridge. But at some point, you started applying standards to your work, and preventing its dissemination unless it met them. That's all well and good; the kind of crap most kids produce is cute and worthy of admiration, coming from them. But from an adult, it's mostly pathetic. Still, I mention this because your standards, consequently, are way too high. You've long since graduated from stick figures and primary colors. What you're putting out now is actually pretty damn good—and we want to see it. Show it to us, please. We'll give you a smiley face and a gold star, if it helps.
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)
Most of the time you're a diligent recycler. You're one of the few people you know who even tries to correctly sort the trash. So I'm confused as to why you wouldn't bother to go through this huge bin of people and situations you're simply tossing out the window. There are lots of reusable bits and bobs in there with all the junk you should by all rights be getting rid of. This baby-with-the-bathwater strategy is understandable, considering some of the fucked-up shit and venomous critters floating in said bathwater. But, come on. Save the baby.
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)
You're so focused on the big ideas and the grand dramatic gestures at times that you forget the little shit. What you ought to remember is that the little shit is often what makes life good. For example, for me the little shit takes the form of the expensive shampoo and conditioner rather than the cheap stuff, fresh strawberries in my cereal, and a cold beer on a hot day. You go to much greater lengths and expense to enact such minor improvements on your day-to-day life, when you could achieve far greater (if more subtle) effects with just a few bucks and an ounce of self-indulgence. Try it. You'll like it.
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)
You can talk yourself into (or out of) anything—and that's what gets you in trouble. You shouldn't have to convince yourself of anything this week. You either know it in your gut or you don't. Quell internal arguments quickly, as they'll only confuse you and get you so twisted around that you won't know anymore which way was the right one. Rationalizations are fucking bullshit. Abstain from their tempting gray areas. Things are either black or white right now—or, at the very least, compelling and relatively unequivocal shades of gray. You don't need to entertain lengthy debates. Just do what you've got to do, with a minimum of deliberation.
